Ass Ass Ins Creed: Kinda Ass, and Why Video Game Movies Are Bad

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Before the review, I wanted to let my followers here in on an update. I’m probably moving my work more permanently over to https://creators.co/@AdamPyde

I got recruited to the site and they offered to pay me.

Nothing is really changing, I’m just moving platforms.

Secondly, thanks. Because of everyone that is here and followed me to help promote my posts so they showed up in the algorithm and I’ve gotten this chance.

I really appreciate the people that have bothered to click follow on a random guy in northern Canada’s quickly written and poorly edited movie ramblings.

I’ll post here still, but largely just an anecdote and hyper-link to the Creators platform, where I hope you come follow me.

Assassin’s Creed: I don’t know/5

I don’t even know if I liked this movie. It started off choppy, slow and kinda boring. Got quite good, especially right before the climax, but then ended anticlimactically. A real sequel fisher of an ending.

The more I think of it, the more I’m not surprised that this comes to us from Fox as I can just feel bits of X-Men: Apocalypse and Fantastic Four in the way its put together.

I haven’t paid close attention to the Assassin’s Creed games since the end of Ezio’s time. I own AC3, its in the plastic. I own AC4, its part of my un-downloaded library on Steam.

But I was still a really big fan of the games. Annual releases drained me a bit, and I’ve kinda tuned out of video games in general outside of a few titles. But something that really put me off keeping Assassin’s Creed in my circle of attention was that they stopped having focus on the present day storyline and Desmond. I liked the past, but I liked how it tied to the present just as much. I liked the end goal it presented.

If the reason they started to pare that away from the games was so that it could all go into the movie I just watched, well… maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing. It hits at parts, but it definitely misses too.

Continue reading on Creators.co

2016 Movie Catch Up: Lazer Team, Thadland, Deadpool, Egypt, and Henry

Lazer Team 3/5

It is what it is so your mileage may vary. It’s campy and the acting isn’t terrific, it isn’t bad mind you, but its nothing special. The jokes hit and miss but its a streaming movie worth 90 minutes for some silly sci-fi, by the numbers stuff. Alexandra DeBerry is gorgeous.

Blue Mountain State: Rise of Thadland 3.5/5

It is everything you would expect if you were a fan of the show. If you haven’t seen the show, then think American Pie with some football sprinkled in there. It’s ridiculous, excessive, dumb, hilarious, fun and plain easy to watch. Netflix it right away if you’re into that kind of thing. Its like one of the party episodes of the show cranked up to 10. It’s nice to see all the characters you enjoyed come back together. Similar to the Entourage movie in that sense but way better. Lindsey Sporrer is gorgeous.

Deadpool 4.5/5

It is absurd at points and that is why it works. I was so worried for this movie because I find Deadpool so hit and miss in the comics. I’m glad that the fourth wall breaking was merely himself and other characters weren’t like “Derp, who you talking to?” Everything is taken serious enough that it isn’t a farce, but it swerves against what you have come to expect in superhero movies and then plays it straight other times. I think I’m most please that they made a bunch of “dumb” jokes without it devolving into some fart poop humour style movie. It’s just so different. Morena Baccarin is gorgeous.

Gods of Egypt 1.5/5

Is it stupid? Yes. Does it suck? Yes. Does it suck in a good way? Yes. Why? Because its a dumb PS2 game from like 2004. The CG quality comes and goes, but whatever. If you want a dumb movie to enjoy because its dumb then watch it. Only issue is 3D giving you a headache if you don’t have prime seats. But its long gone from theaters so Netflix it. Courtney Eaton is gorgeous.

Hardcore Henry 3/5

Another film where your mileage may vary. I’m into the goofy dumb action style, if you haven’t noticed, and this does it in a new way. There is a twist at the end. The story is there to get you from action scene to action scene. Seeing action scenes and sequences from first person is new and exciting. Wasn’t a huge fan of CG blood squibs as they are a bit jarring in a movie with so many practical effects, but oh well. Haley Bennett is gorgeous.

To Come:
– Keanu (April 29)
– Captain America: Civil War (May 6)
– Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out Of The Shadows (June 3)
– Popstar: Never Stop Singing (June 3)
– Warcraft (June 10)
– Independence Day: Resurgence (June 24)
– The Secret Life of Pets (July 8)
– Star Trek Beyond (July 15)
– Jason Bourne (July 29)
– Suicide Squad (August 5)
– Sausage Party (August 12)

Maybe’s of the Summer
– Money Master (May 13)
– Neighbours 2 (May 20)
– The Nice Guys (May 20)
– Now You See Me 2 (June 10)
– The Legend of Tarzan (July 1)
– Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates (July 8)
– Ghostbusters (July 15)

Summer Movie Reviews: Now With 100% Tom Cruise

Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation 4/5

I’m happy that Tom Cruise is back and making good movies. He’s been doing well with Mission Impossible and the criminally underrated/under-appreciated/under-everything-ed Edge Of Tomorrow: Live. Die. Repeat.

However… this was legitimately good. Not like best movie of the summer good, but definitely top five of the summer good.

I’m a sucker for spy/espionage movies almost as much as I am for heist movies.

A lot of nuts stuff happens that makes you go “That’s nuts and is unrealistic!” but at the same time you find yourself believing it because Tom Cruise is basically a super hero when he is Ethan Hunt.

Fun fact: I’ve been watching these movies since the first one and always thought his name was Ethan Hawke.

There is some real neat cinematography. There are excellent practical effects and stunts. There are lots of swanky setups/payoffs.

The plot is simple enough and you’ve seen it before in spy movies. There is a secret spy organization that is evil and the good secret spy organization needs to stop them. And its really fun to watch because it keeps hitting you with swerves and surprises.

There is a real snazzy opera scene. A thrilling underwater scene. A woohoo car and motorbike chase. The climax involves some awesome non-action. Its hard to dislike anything because its so much fun.

I also think that this one is the funniest of the series. The humour isn’t hitting you over the head, but its more dry delivery of lines and some visual gags. I like that.

Go see it. Tom Cruise does real good Tom Cruise-ing.

Previously:

To come this summer/year:

  • Straight Outta Compton, August 14
  • American Ultra, August 21
  • Hitman: Agent 47, August 21
  • Pan, October 9
  • Goosebumps, October 16
  • James Bond: Spectre, November 6
  • The Peanuts Movie, November 6
  •  The Martian, November 27
  • Star Wars: The Force Awakens, December 18
  • Before We Go, September 4 (or something?)

Summer Movie Reviews: Now With 100% More Bad Rom-Coms

Trainwreck 2/5

Maybe my expectations were too high. Maybe I just thought I was getting a different movie from all the promo material I saw. Maybe I’m just too dumb to “appreciate the commentary on modern society” which is a thing apparently. But honestly, it just wasn’t that good.

For a movie that has two great funny people in the leads as Amy Schumer and Bill Hader, the laughs weren’t quite hitting. I guess the best way to describe it is that it is a dram-edy with some raunchy humour, occasionally.

The raunchy humour is honestly the best part because it lightens the mood in a movie that isn’t exactly heavy on the tone, but just seems dull so often. It seems that the funny things happen around the actors, versus with the actors. Ezra Miller, Tilda Swinton, John Cena, LeBron James are all terrific. Maybe that is by design?

This movie could very literally be a PG-13 if it weren’t for the use of the f-word. It was honestly pretty by the numbers for large sections. “Oh no, I’m incapable of loving someone. Oh wait no I’m not.” The end.

It does end on a high. The movie does have some sincerely touching moments. But I just expected more. I wanted to come here and rave about the film, but I can’t.

It is easily stolen by two of the guest stars of the film. John Cena is terrific early in the movie. Comedy timing, delivery, body language, all of it. LeBron James is also magnetic on screen and steals the attention from the other actors to him.

It could be a decent date movie, or maybe you’re looking for something to kill the time if you don’t want to go for a blockbuster like Ant-Man or something truly funny and touching in Inside Out.

Previously:

To come this summer/year:

  • Fantastic Four, August 7
  • Straight Outta Compton, August 14
  • Hitman: Agent 47, August 28
  • Star Wars: The Force Awakens, December 18

Maybe to come this summer/year:

  • Pixels, July 24
  • Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation, July 31
  • Goosebumps, October 16

Summer Movie Reviews: Now With 100% More Ants

Ant-Man 3.5/5

Let us get something out of the way. I am a comic book fan boy, and even I had my doubts about Ant-Man. However, this a legitimately good movie.

It won’t light the world on fire, but if we’re ranking single-hero movies (aka not Winter Soldier, Guardians or Avengers), this is the best Marvel flick since Iron Man.

It doesn’t feel like a “big, dumb action CGI” movie as much as it does feel like a heist movie with a ridiculous concept. Some of my favourite movies are heist movies (Oceans 11 & 13 and The Italian Job come to mind, both classic and modern versions). This is a comic book heist movie.

The concept is ridiculous. A man who talks to ants and can shrink to ant size. But it is taken seriously and it is executed well. The shrinking effect looks good and lets you know what is happening on screen. The fighting makes sense.

The villain (Yellow Jacket/Darren Cross) does his job well and it makes for the best mirror villain (ie. Iron Man vs Iron Monger, Cap vs Red Skull) we’ve probably had in a Marvel movie.

The plot is what it is. It moves along, makes you want to see the next scene and provides you with enough reason to go “Yeah, my belief is suspended.”

I also enjoyed the little easter eggs to Ant-Man “lore” and how they may have foreshadowed Giant-Man. The history of Hank Pym makes sense and where they are taking it with concern to the Avengers and Civil War is exciting.

I have nothing bad to say. It isn’t dumb. It builds steam throughout the movie. And it was nice to see a movie that, while there were big repercussions at stake, didn’t feel like the world/galaxy was at stake.

Just go watch it! 🙂

Previously:

To come this summer/year:

  • Trainwreck, July 17
  • Fantastic Four, August 7
  • Straight Outta Compton, August 14
  • Hitman: Agent 47, August 28
  • Star Wars: The Force Awakens, December 18

Maybe to come this summer/year:

  • Pixels, July 24
  • Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation, July 31
  • Goosebumps, October 16