SUMMER MOVIE REVIEWS: NOW WITH 100% MORE DINOSAURS

Jurassic World 4/5

Dinosaurs are cool. /end

The movie is really good. It is a very worthy sequel and its just a whole lot of fun to watch. The movie serves as far more of a sequel to Jurassic Park and kind of ignores 2 and 3, as it should.

I was quite skeptical going in because I expected all sorts of stupid turns (Chris Pratt riding a raptor, Chris Pratt hero-man kills evil dino, Chris Pratt becomes half dino to defeat the evil dino) and none of them happened!

It is a great monster movie. There is suspense, it is thrilling, a little bit scary, strong pacing and lots of people got punked by dinosaurs.

Chris Pratt as the raptor whisperer was not nearly as silly as I thought. It was actually really smart, well done and almost touching.

There were a few scenes that had set ups or payoffs that never quite came back around which makes me figure some bits were cut but it doesn’t really affect the movie as a whole.

Social commentary, eh. Man is not meant to mettle, animals aren’t people, “bio” weapons, etc. Meh. That stuff serves well to make some characters you do not like, and give other characters enough reasons to hate their guts.

It even gets a bit meta with the whole “Dinosaurs aren’t as wow as they used to be so we gotta raise the stakes” like as to say “You’ve all seen Jurassic Park and were like ‘meh’ at dinosaurs in JP2 so now we’re doing mini-Godzilla”.

It would have been awesome to have Jeff Goldblum come back and go “God dammit, guys. What did I tell you!” The only returning character was the Asian geneticist.

Holy crap, that end scene was amazing. BAM! POW! BANG! <3

As I was walking out of the theatre, all I heard was “Wow, that was good!”, “Dinosaurs are cool”, “I really enjoyed that”, etc.

Unless you’re some kind of horrible purist, you’ll like the movie.

Other reviews

Previously:

To come this summer/year:

  • Antman, July 17
  • Fantastic Four, August 7
  • Hitman: Agent 47, August 28
  • Star Wars: The Force Awakens, December 18

Maybe to come this summer/year:

  • Ted 2, June 26
  • Terminator: Genysis, July 1
  • Minions, July 10
  • Pixels, July 24
  • Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation, July 31
  • Goosebumps, October 16

Summer Movie Reviews: Now With 100% More HBO Bros

Entourage 3/5

The best way to describe this movie is that it is like four episodes of the show back-to-back-to-back-to-back. If you like the show, you’ll like this.

The story is kind of irrelevant because it is more about the shenanigans of the bros. Each guy has their own little sub plot and it gets resolved. Jeremy Piven is the best. The chemistry is still so great amongst the guys.

If you don’t know the show, you’ll probably still enjoy this movie. I was never a huge show fan, but I still watched it and enjoyed it. There is more cameos and nods to old episodes than I can list, but they don’t feel out of place in a movie that is set like this.

I do not know if people that weren’t show fans will be movie fans, but if you are then you’re doing yourself a disservice by not going back to the old show.

I’m not going to get into spoilers because spoilers is mainly the jokes and shenanigans which range from amusing-put-a-smile-on-your-face to laugh out loud.

Psst, there is lots of man-candy and lady-candy!

Other reviews

Previously:

To come this summer/year:

  • San Andreas, May 29
  • Jurassic World, June 12
  • Antman, July 17
  • Fantastic Four, August 7
  • Hitman: Agent 47, August 28
  • Star Wars: The Force Awakens, December 18

Maybe to come this summer/year:

  • Ted 2, June 26
  • Terminator: Genysis, July 1
  • Pixels, July 24
  • Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation, July 31
  • Goosebumps, October 16
  • Jen and the Holograms, October 23

Summer Movie Reviews: Now With 100% More The Rock

San Andreas 3/5

Can you smell what The Rock is cooking? And that is like the perfect Rock action disaster movie. It is a lot like Hercules in that it is what it is. It is a The Rock action-disaster movie. No more, no less. That is honestly the best descriptor.

Tons of action. Tons of destruction. (But it isn’t hopeless destruction porn, Zack Snyder)

The rock flies helicopters, drives trucks and saves lives! Alexandra Daddario is his beautiful daughter. Paul Giamatti is corny.

The premise is a little dated. If this came out in like the 90’s then it would have been right up there with Independence Day and whatever else. ‘Merica.

Tons of one-liners and by-the-numbers tropes, but its still fun. It is exactly what I thought it would be. A fun, dopey action movie with an action star with action.

The Rock was surprisingly good at doing the dramatic bits. The acting in the movie is quite good. The dialogue is a little silly at times, but the delivery makes up for it so it is more believable.

The difference between this movie and something kind of similar in terms of CGI and “noise” in Transformers 4 is that it isn’t 3 hours long and you can still understand and process what is happening on screen. Your eyes don’t get tired of CG like in Transformers. It isn’t the artsiest thing, but its still well crafted.

My friend said the words “That wasn’t realistic” well no kidding. It was a almost a little Fast and Furious style. Its fun, self aware and silly.

I think you’ll know if you are going to like this movie before you even enter the theater.

It goes great with popcorn.

Other reviews

Previously:

To come this summer/year:

  • Jurassic World, June 12
  • Antman, July 17
  • Fantastic Four, August 7
  • Hitman: Agent 47, August 28
  • Star Wars: The Force Awakens, December 18

Maybe to come this summer/year:

  • Ted 2, June 26
  • Terminator: Genysis, July 1
  • Pixels, July 24
  • Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation, July 31
  • Goosebumps, October 16
  • Jen and the Holograms, October 23

Ranking The Modern DC Movies, The Good 6-1

6. Batman

This movie is just that. A movie. It is called “Batman” but it really is not Batman. It gets a whole lot wrong. Like the Joker just being Jack Napier but extra goofy. Telling the whole proper origin story of the Joker, which is a no-no. One of the greatest parts of the Joker is that you don’t know. You fear and are scared of the unknown. Batman not really trying to save anyone. Killing the Joker. I also can’t buy Michael Keaton as Bruce Wayne. He has glasses, he is not really fit, and he isn’t charismatic. I think he’s there because Tim Burton had a man crush on Keaton before he moved on to man-crushing over Johnny Depp, who probably would have been Batman if this movie was like a few years later.

5. The Dark Knight Rises

This, again, is not really a Batman movie. It has the license to Batman and lots of Batman stuff, but it is not Batman. Mainly because Bane. Bane is a Mexican wrestler crimelord type who takes super steroids to get super jacked and then breaks Batman’s back. The only thing that is Bane in this movie is the back-breaker scene. The character is way more Anarky, who is most recently a scrawny kid that wears a mask and wants Nihilist anarchism. Most of the rest of the movie is fine, but it falls apart when you think about it a bit too much.

4. Watchmen

Put me firmly in the camp of “Enjoyed Watchmen” because I did. Its quite faithful to the comic graphic novel, because this is a little bit too adult for comics, and it has some very visceral and memorable scenes.

3. Batman Returns

This is by the far best of the old timey Batman movies, and it was also the first film that felt like a Batman movie. All the weird non-Batman things from the first film are more or less gone. Its great when Batman has a villain that he can’t just punch a bunch. The Penguin is one of my favourite villains because he’s basically the anti-Batman. He’s rich, but from crime. He owns lotsa stuff, but its all seedy. He is short and chubby and ugly while Bruce Wayne is suave and tall and handsome. It makes such a good dynamic and its just perfectly hit. Plus, Michelle Pfeiffer, holy moly.

2. The Dark Knight

The Joker, yes great. Two-face, yes great. The Batman-ing, yes great. Pretty much all great. I have two gripes though, 1) Lucious sells out Bruce Wayne as Joker when the nerdy guy was just like “You probs know who Batman is!” 2) I’m just bugged by the ending. Batman kills Harvey Dent by tackling him off the building and then instead of saying “Blame the dead cops on the Joker because that would be easy” he says “Blame the dead cops on me so I can disappear for 8 years to set up my return in the third film.” I’m also bothered by the “Jim Gordon is dead. No he isn’t” as I felt it cheapens the other character deaths in the movie in a “Are they really dead?” kind of way.

1. Batman Begins

I feel this is the best Batman movie of the bunch. I really liked the origin, you see Batman beat up street level criminals, there was bat-tech, he uses batarangs, Batman does great Batman style stealth takedowns, Alfred is played perfectly, and its deliciously comic booky with a microwave device (that conveniently doesn’t have an off button) and evil ninjas that want to destroy the city. It also gets better into the moral side of Batman than the other films. The end with “I’m not going to kill you, but I’m not going to save you” is a really big thing for Batman as a character.

Summer Movie Reviews: Now with 100% More Flamethrowing Guitars

Mad Max: Fury Road 5/5

Warning: The following review is rambling because my brain could not handle how great this movie was.

Mad Max: Fury Road was terrific.

It was barely 2 hours long and felt a lot closer to like 75 minutes because it just keeps going and going. Its really immersive and I enjoyed how you learned more about the characters through their actions than them sitting back and telling you about themselves.

Using the character of Mad Max more as a vessel into the world than a protagonist was a nice change and it allows everyone else in the movie to shine.

It is essentially a sick as heck two hour chase scene with practical effects, which are my favourite, and hardcore metal designs. Seeing all the weird monster people with robot bits and mutations and tumors is just so enjoyable because all the actors totally buy in. White Darth Vader Bane was a terrific villain and he serves the story very well.

I really enjoy how many properties in the last few years have begun to embrace their “stupidity” that is at play in their worlds. They go full on with the crazy designs like guitar flamethrowers that cause explosions, but then also have things strangely grounded in reality with things held together by scrap materials.

It keeps improving with each scene outdoing the last. It almost makes you wish for a longer film, but I think it is perfect as it is. Any longer and I think the vividness would lose some of its poignancy. The movie is pedal to the metal from start to finish. It feels like the film is basically in real time.

It quite honestly might be the best action movie I’ve seen… ever? I feel like this is going to be the standard to which I hold all action movies, or maybe even movies in general. Its more than just explosions. Its great story telling with great explosions and stunts.

Other reviews

Previously:

To come this summer/year:

  • San Andreas, May 29
  • Entourage, June 5
  • Jurassic World, June 12
  • Antman, July 17
  • Fantastic Four, August 7
  • Hitman: Agent 47, August 28
  • Star Wars: The Force Awakens, December 18

Maybe to come this summer/year:

  • Ted 2, June 26
  • Terminator: Genysis, July 1
  • Pixels, July 24
  • Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation, July 31
  • Goosebumps, October 16
  • Jen and the Holograms, October 23