The Room Tribute: A Great Tribute to Your Favourite Alien in Human Skin

When you’re watching The Room, have you ever thought about what the rest of this world is like? A place where people walk in and out of Really Great Guy’s condo without knocking? A place where Tommy Wiseau Johnny is seemingly an incredible banker? How Johnny and Mark can subdue a violent drug dealer and enact a successful citizens arrest of a man with no evidence? Well, The Room Tribute does it’s absolute best to answer almost every single question.

It really tries to make the story more coherent and fill in the plot holes, back story and missing elements that led to the comedy of errors in the film. The game takes some of the “lore” of The Room from post popularity interviews and fan theories to just kick things up a notch. There is a lot of effort to answer a lot of the “Wait… why is ___?” or “Hold on a minute, what about ____?” questions the film leaves you with. Yet, it doesn’t make The Room any less fun as it captures the silly spirit of it all.

It probably won’t even take you a couple hours to play. It’s largely a pretty basic point and click game. I managed a thorough play-through in about 2 hours, give or take, and that was exploring everything fully, getting all the collectibles and side secrets. If you want to power through you can finish it in around half the time.

You play only as Tommy Johnny and you only experience things from Johnny’s perspective. You take Johnny to work at the bank, you shake Johnny’s ass in the shower, you have Johnny make sandwiches for his friends and have awkward interactions with store owners.

Johnny is such a great guy.

The game opens with an earthquake that traps Johnny’s condo building and the surrounding three blocks in each direction off on their own island. Well, that explains why the world is so weird and small. They somehow managed to make sense of the layout in Johnny’s condo so that it seems like a real room and not just an Ikea demo set.

The sprite work is great. The digital sprites are all instantly recognizable. They capture the caricature of the characters well. Me UnderPants Mike is dopey looking. Denny has a pervy grin. Lisa somehow has resting bitch face in an 8-bit style game. Mark is all handsome. Tommy looks like the weird human alien we’ve all come to love. The environments all have an impressive amount of detail.

The gameplay and interaction is great. You’re given a bit of agency in the story which is really impressive when you consider you’re playing an incomprehensible film in a browser window. The game has a lot of interaction with the environment and characters. Different mini-games populate the story. From battle scenes to foot chases to sandwich making. There is a little achievement list put into the game to give you some extra incentive to explore all the areas, find all the spoons, read all the diaries, see all there is to see and talk to all the characters every chance you get.

The music and sound is great. There are a handful of themes that play throughout the game. The main piano riff is digitized. Denny has his own awkward song. The different gameplay elements all get their own songs whether it’s an original beat or a remix of the digitized piano riff.

Isn’t that the face of an All American Good Guy?

It’s great fun to read all the dialogue as it comes on screen and do your best impression of each character. Maybe that’s just me, but give it a try if you dare. When you see the exact dialogue from the game being put in front of you in script it makes it even more hilarious. Whether it’s from having to actively read the lines or just how many of them contain random collections of words.

• “Rice, that was good.”
• “You’re the sparkle in my life.”
• “You don’t understand anything, man. Leave your stupid comments in your pocket!”
• “The bank saves money and they are using me and I am the fool.”
• “Anyway, how is your sex life?”

When I was talking about the detail and passion by the creators, this comes through in the effort put into the mini games and the behind the scenes to make sense of this version of San Francisco.

The battle sequences are straight out of Pokemon. The foot race is like a basic Mario level. RAGE mode Johnny feels like you punched in IDDQD to get your godmode on. You even get to play the crappy game of catch they portray in the film when you chuck a football around.

Spoon collecting is rewarding as not only are they a bit tricky to see, but they’re all named with a chuckle in mind. They camouflage them well into the environment but if you look for a spoon shaped texture, like really look, most of them become relatively obvious. There is a secret ending to the game for your favourite human alien if you collect all the spoons so keep your eyes peeled.

Focusing solely on Johnny in game creates a much stronger narrative than the film. In the film, Tommy Johnny is a bit of a doormat, but once you focus only on Johnny’s scenes then it makes the twists and turns less obvious and more sympathetic.

The game is a great piece of work. It follows the movie beat by beat, note by note, word by word. The details are meticulously recreated. The plot and story of the game MAKES SENSE of The Room. That is not small feat. An exceptional amount of work went into this game and it really shows how much care there is amongst the fanbase of this film. You’re not going to get a better The Room experience on your own than this.

The Room Tribute is a game made by programmer Tom Phulp, artist Jeff Bandelin and composer Chris O’Neil. It is hosted and published by Newgrounds.com here.

The Room: When an Alien in Human Skin Makes a Movie

The Room is the greatest mess in cinematic history. It is the Citizen Kane of bad movies. It is the answer to the question of what would happen if something went so far below a zero that it somehow became a 10.

Its awful. It makes no sense. Characters existing is the extent of their existence. It has character moments, arcs and plot that are dropped in the same scene they’re introduced. It is edited at random. In the language of cinema, nothing in The Room works.

This movie is unwatchably watchable. If you were to sit down and try to watch take this seriously, it would feel like you’re “being stabbed in the head.” But sitting down to watch this as a delusional vanity project gone awry and it becomes one of the best 90 minutes you’ll get out of a film.

Tommy Wiseau is the center of the film on screen, as really good guy Johnny, and off screen as well. This man directed, wrote, adapted, produced, starred in and funded the entire $6,000,000 film. Yes, this movie costs $6,000,000.

This entire film is a series of things just happening. Its almost more of a mockumentary around a guy and his life than it is a proper dramatic film.

This is the cinematic equivalent of giving any random person a budget and a script and a camera and a crew. It should make you appreciate how “good” even a regular bad movie is.

Tommy cannot enunciate. Tommy cannot dress himself. He’s an alien in human skin.

The Room is what the result would be if an alien species studied late 90’s soap opera TV, had a computer program amalgamate a script and then was performed by the aliens in human skin like the first Men In Black movie.

It’s not difficult to find secondhand embarrassment for the actress portraying Johnny’s “future wife” Lisa. She’s given an awkward wardrobe, absurd “motivation” and has 4 or 5 sex scenes. The sex scenes are uncomfortable. They last the entire length of the bad and cheesy love songs. Johnny pounds away at her belly button, has a zombie orgasm and then shows the entire world his butt. Why? Because its “Hollywood”, I guess.

Time passes in the film without any establishment of time passing. Characters talk about meeting up tomorrow and are in the next scene. No establishing shots, no passage of time shot, no CHANGE OF OUTFITS! They just happen.

Set design is bizarre. Like a showroom apartment from a 2003 Ikea. There are candles and photographs of spoons everywhere.

The logic of the film is bizarre. The game of football is just awkwardly hot potato-ing a ball around. Marijuana is considered an aggressive “fly off the handle” drug. Attempted murder is quickly forgiven. Stumbling into a garbage can sends you to the hospital.

The dialogue of the movie is completely bizarre, which probably is why the characters are so completely bizarre with actions that are completely bizarre.

• Claudette becomes the voice of the people at one point, literally saying “What are these characters doing here?”
• Tommy Johnny responds to the story of a woman being hospitalized by the beating of a jealous ex-lover with “Ha ha ha what a story, Mark!”
• Characters will bring up something in conversation and then say “I don’t want to talk about it” after them bringing it up.
• Adultery is committed and forgiven immediately, but then unforgiven about 12 seconds later in the same scene.

Does any of this sound like it was written by a human?

• “I did not hit her. I did not. Oh hi Mark.”
• “Anyway how’s your sex life?”
• “Anything for my princess ha ha ha!”
• “Its not over everybody betray me I fed up with this world!”
• “If a lot of people love each other the world would be a better place to live.”
• “Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep.”

The Room Tribute game is amazing. Give it a play.

The best performance in this entire movie comes from the least trained actor on set. Drug dealer Chris R, played by former Olympic bobsledder Dan Janjigian, is excellent. He’s legitimately intimidating and terrifying. There is more conviction in his lines than the rest of the entire film. But even a performance that good is still undermined by The Room as people just appear in the scene like its Looney Tunes while shouting awkward lines. Somehow the violent, giant, gun weilding Chris R is subdued awkwardly by Johnny and his best friend Mark while Lisa yell cries about drugs at a whimpering Denny, Johnny’s pseudo son.

There’s a sad truth in film though. While its a mess, its clearly written from some place of truth or experience in Tommy Wiseau’s heart. There’s something of a biopic going on here, where nice guy Johnny gets manipulated, lied to and taken advantage of by the people close to him. A lot of the dialogue sounds like something from a bitter ex-lover.

Almost the entire male cast is portrayed as sexual vultures. Lisa is a petulant whore. Mark wants to, and does, bang Lisa. Denny wants to bang Lisa. Peter talks about how great Lisa is. Some no-name at the party has one line in the movie and it is “Lisa is so hot” while making a horny face.

Writing this may have been cathartic and even necessary for Tommy, but then turning this play into a film became an ego stroke. Some characters exist only to show that Tommy Johnny is a great guy.

Note: Due to Johnny clearly being a proxy for Tommy, I left in all the places I wrote Tommy.

One of these characters is Mike (pictured) aka Me Underpants Guy, who needs a private place to fool around with his girlfriend. So of course great guy Johnny allows them to use his couch whenever they want.

One of the nonsense characters is Denny, the orphan who was too old to adopt so Tommy Johnny just pays for his entire life as a pseudo father. All he does is be sexually creepy and weird, but Johnny loves him anyway because Johnny is so great.

One of these characters is Claudette, the future mother in law, who essentially repeats how Johnny is rich, nice, caring and an amazing man that all women would love to have.

One of these characters is the Flower Shop Owner, who exists to tell Tommy Johnny how he’s a great customer and great boyfriend.

Most of the characters essentially exist to say “Johnny, you are so great. You’re the best person” in a variety of ways.

Even Mark, the antagonist of the film and Johnny’s “best friend” who is banging Johnny’s “future wife” which frays and destroys the relationships in the plot of movie, will regularly talk about how great of a dude Johnny, his best friend, is. He will say this two seconds after putting his shirt on after having awkward staircase coitus with Lisa.

In years since, Tommy Wiseau has said he was making a dark comedy or a satire of a drama. Absolute crap. He went for a serious American drama and failed so miserably he made a comedy of errors so great he crafted one of the greatest comedy films of all time. The film grossed $1800 in its theatrical release. Marketing of the movie was a billboard in LA, that stayed up for 5 years, and Tommy Wiseau throwing pamphlets at people prior to the films premiere.

The film is a complete mess. It takes itself seriously. It wants to hit heavy but is undermined in wild swings of tone. Random thrown in scenes interrupt any pacing you may find. Its a movie that doesn’t know what a movie is. Writing, dialogue, acting, screenplay, editing is atrocious.

The movie climaxes in a suicide after Tommy humps Lisa’s clothing following a lackadaisical condo trashing after Tommy shove fights Mark and tells Lisa she’s a bitch. That literally all happens inside 10 minutes.

It was written as a stage play and could not get distribution as a book. Logically when you encounter those obstacles you turn it into a self financed film. The production crew was replaced twice during filming.

So how did this movie become a big deal? Well, The Room was played on loop for April Fools 2009 by Adult Swim. That was the movie’s big break. Beyond that it had a small cult following in LA among film industry people.

How did I find this movie? I wanted to watch Room, the Brie Larson film that won an Academy Award. I didn’t think twice when I saw a theatrical showing of The Room, so I mosied on down to the historic Garneau Theatre. Imagine my surprise when I got this film, complete with fans throwing plastic spoons and singing along to the love songs. My brain couldn’t compute. It was one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. And it was great. Everyone should see this movie once. Twice if you’re feeling cute.

The Room plays locally on the first Friday of every month at the Metro Cinema. Its worth it.

@Adam_Pyde on Twitter, Adam Reviews Things on Facebook. CanadianAdam on Twitch.

Why I Am Disappointed in Dragon Age: Inquisition

First, I enjoy the game. I really do. Its well put together and I don’t feel like I was cheated out of my money upon completion, as far as cut content/withheld content for a later date/etc.

I still give it an 8 or 9/10, but…

But I’m still disappointed. Other people seem to be bugged by little things that piled up.  Other people seemed to be bugged because it isn’t Origins 2.0.

I’m just bugged and disappointed because I felt like I was lied to. I paid too much attention to the demos/interviews. It stems from this general statement,

“We learned our mistakes! Only showing and sharing 100% complete and in the game things!”

They kept going on about how they had learned lessons from previous releases and the whole reason they weren’t showing us anything about this game at first was because they didn’t want to show us anything unless it was working and was for sure going to be in the game.  And then they showed us things that are not in the game.

*sigh*

Choice Missions

No choice missions to save the town/citadel.

I’m actually really disappointed that after seeing the footage of protecting a fort or choosing the village, that it isn’t in the game. Especially since they talked about how “To avoid false expectations we’re only going to show things that are 100% in the game” or whatever it was Mike or Mark said.

Someone else on BSN said this:

Either we get a game in which our choices matter and create multiple and widely divergent endings (but with those choices being retconned or resolved in external media because it would be too much work for one game) or we get a game in which our choices don’t really matter or only result in a few mildly different endings that can be carried over to the next installment without too much of a headache for the writers/developers.

I’m totally cool with option 2, but let my dumb little things that are cosmetic have an impact. (ie, Templar tower, troop armor, sparring grounds/infirmary, etc.)

I get that the big story ones have to be a bit more linear for the sake of future games, but the dumb ones that don’t mean squat the second I get the “You are Winner” screen should do something. The ones that become codex level, if that, in future games should be more visible for the sake of “I did something”.

Clothing/Armor Customization

I remember when they were doing E3 interviews and stuff, they talked about how we could add dyes to our clothes and armor and minions armor. “You can pick these! Multiple outfits! Etc.”

Well, there is no ability to add dyes to your/others/minions armors. There is no way to customize your minions appearance. There is no set of casual outfits to pick from.

I hate looking at my soldiers and scouts run around in ugly armor and booger coloured tunics. After like 90 hours, the grey pajamas got tiring. Even adjusting it to blue/red/black would’ve been great.

I don’t enjoy making armor with the perfect stats, only for it to be soft pink, bright yellow, green and grey. That blows. I have to look at this monstrosity. I found myself wearing under leveled or situation inappropriate armor just because it didn’t look like vomit. Even a basic Minecraft level dye system would’ve been acceptable.

“You collected a Spindleweed” then go to a table “crushed Spindleweed into red dye” then “dying this armor requires 20 Spindleweed dyes”. Totally fine. I can fart and the gas will find 6 Spindleweeds in some places.

I’m not certain on other armor options, but for heavy armor for a warrior I basically had 2 different coat options the entire game with small differences. Lame. I wanted some big cool looking plate armor.

Skyhold

Skyhold doesn’t actually change let alone ever get fixed. Still have busted ass walls and garbage laying all over the place.

Before each upgrade, I made a save and went to both options to see which I liked more.

Gathered the materials required to upgrade my main tower. After I finally found the “upgraded” main tower, I feel like I wasted my time. I was told I’d get some killer badass Templar tower. I got three small rooms. My Templars don’t even use it as a hang out. Like 3 guys are there.

I also had a hard time finding it. Usually, the little upgrade… kiosk(?) is right next to it. Not that time. I had a hard time finding it, which means it’s really not that noticeable. I had been doing a Google free playthrough, but had to do it because I needed to know where it was.

When I picked mage tower, I thought that the mages would use it. Nope, still sitting in my library. Schematics or an awesome staff in a chest would have been awesome, but nope.

I’ve also upgraded the chantry garden area, only to get a few flower pots in one corner. So then I decided to try the Chantry upgrade. It was… a few statues. But I get more gold from people making donations! Except there is no way to tell if this is true or not. There is no collection plate and I don’t have any random gold deposits happening when I’m out or when I get back to Skyhold.

If we’re going to upgrade Skyhold, please make it more useful. For example, if I decide I want the main tower to accommodate mages, then perhaps include unique mage gear/schematics in a treasure chest there.  If we upgrade the garden, it could provide exclusive reagents for a powerful potion/tonic/grenade.

Also why the hell won’t the walls of Skyhold ever be full repaired? Parts of it were fixed as I progressed through the game but then I still have like 2-3 busted towers and broken walls. Why did they clean up my room, added nice new furniture…  but didn’t even bother to remove the bricks from the stairs leading up to my chambers? There are spider webs and bits of lumber lying everywhere.

There are holes in the walls, can’t they patch that up? I have like a gajillion gold and tons of alliances. Are you telling me I ran out of mortar?

Poor Cullen doesn’t have a roof above his bed. Its just busted. I’m on top of a mountain in a snowy area. How is homedawg supposed to sleep?

Finally, the training grounds vs the infirmary. I went with the sparring grounds, which actually did something. I have a little sparring ring. I noticed it. Neat. It did absolutely nothing else, but hey I actually noticed this one. I can pretend my soldiers are getting better.

Reloaded, went with the infirmary and I couldn’t find the new infirmary. I thought all those tents out front would be improved, nope. Turns out it was that broken down building next to requisitions. I think there is three whole beds.

Heck, if it gave me an extra military perk for the sparring ring or an extra diplomacy perk for the infirmary, then it would be a thing at least. There were 3 upgrading choices. Could make it 2-2-2 across the ones your advisors represent. Or even doing it in general just unlocked a freebie perk.

Nothing.

Reactivity

They hyped the reactivity of the game and it turned out just to be idle NPC chatter/skins.

You now have a Templar standing there. In Templar regalia despite the fact you abolished the Templar order and said they are just fancy Inqusition soliders.

I haven’t had one quests be different because I’m a reaver or noticed, from what I’ve discussed with friends/BSNers who played different races, any race specific quests. Again, this was stuff we were told we were getting. I remember reading the blog or forum post or whatever Gaider or Laidlaw talked about it in. “No origins but you’ll have race specific side quests/race will open up specific branches in missions… Limited specializations because now NPC’s and quests will be different based off your specialization! We’re only telling you this because its 100% in the game!”

At most I got a couple things that were different at the war table, I’m assuming, or a couple throwaway lines of dialogue. “Oh you’re nobility so you understand noble stuff.” Okay then. That’s not bad. But no missions. Were the like… two(?) war tables mission my specific ones for being a human noble? Is that really a “mission”?

Was that my special reaver centric mission I can only get as a reaver?

I kept waiting and waiting for that stuff to happen and then nope. I’m like 100 hours in and nada. Only have the last main story mission to finish and a few random “put the thing here” quests.

Closing

I kept thinking “Oh, they must be holding that feature until I get to Skyhold. That makes sense!”

But it isn’t there.  At all. “We’re showing you because its in the game!” Nope. It isn’t. I don’t even think that region from the demo where you could save the town/keep is in the game now that I look back at it.

“We wanted it to be worthwhile but we ran out of time…” You delayed the game twice. Maybe cut two of the couple completely needless areas and spend that time on doing what you told me you were going to do.

This isn’t even getting into the busted ass PC controls and poor MP loot design.

Video Games Don’t Kill People

I was watching With Great Power: The Stan Lee Story the other day and there was an great segment of the documentary devoted to the heat that the comic book industry faced during the 50’s because it was comic books that were ruining and corrupting young people. The only proof presented was shoddy – 100/100 juvenile delinquents read comic books, which today would be like asking junior high boys if they played video games – and at the time it gave an excuse and a scapegoat for poor parenting.

“You’re not a bad parent, its those comic books ruining your kids!” – direct quote from the documentary.

Fast forward to 15 or 20 years ago around Columbine.

“You’re not a bad parent, its that heavy metal ruining your kids!”

And nowadays,

“You’re not a bad parent, its those video games ruining your kids!”

So where does that leave us? Maybe the issues of troubled youth and mental instability aren’t because of a specific form of multimedia culture but the lack of a proper upbringing. I like comics and movies and music and video games a whole lot. I’ve never shot anyone in the name of demonic music/movies/video games. I also had parents that were very stern with me on what was okay and what was not. Not very long ago after the shooting in Connecticut a major news outlet reported that “According to a friend of the shooter, his favourite weapon in a video game was the assault rifle!” Then the article continued that since he played a video game with an assault rifle that it made him do this atrocity (paraphrased). Neat. Sick reporting bro. I prefer shotguns in most shooting games. I also like to throw fire balls in RPG’s and perform fatalities in fighting games. Not once have I fired a shotgun at a human, tried to manipulate fire in my hand or rip someone in half. Maybe theses issues go beyond multimedia and into far more difficult avenues of society? But those lack the easy canned outrage that old ass senators, who’ve never held a controller in their life, can conjure up. Much like the ones before them blamed heavy metal. And the ones before them blamed comic books. Much easier to blame things you have no experience with. Its like wrestling and steroids. Any time a wrestler dies, STEROIDS! Not alcoholism, drug abuse, mental illness, etc. STEROIDS! Why? It is easy. It ruined baseball too so demonize anywhere it might be. Don’t mention that caffeine abuse has all the same negative side effects of steroids. Its STEROIDS! because of lazy reporting. Do you have a source? No. Ah whatever. STEROIDS. Take the easy way out. There is an argument to be made about a culture of violence in today’s society. But that culture doesn’t start and end with video games. Ugh.