Top 5 Totally Fine-Whatever Movies of 2014

These are my “See them if you want I guess. You probably won’t hate yourself and might even enjoy yourself” movies of 2014.


HM. Intersellar 
– I didn’t know where else to put this, but it was the worst-best movie of the year. Its good, but it never quite reaches that level of “HOLY MOLY!” that I they were definitely targeting and I really feel it suffers from that. Its 2 hours of science mumbo jumbo that is interesting even as it wanes, then like an hour of Star Trek. Also, 3 hours long basically. What happened to good old 2 hour run times? Still good, but just not great and I wanted great.


5. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 
– Scores here because its more bad movie then good movie. Could easily be on the bad list but… Ninja Turtles man! Like yeah, Michelangelo is a creep but Raphael is a badass. You can tell it was chock full of reshoots. There is too much Megan Fox but… Ninja Turtles man! There’s just enough of the spirit in there.


4. Robocop 
– As far as 2014-ing a movie goes, I thought they did a really good job. You can’t have a guy get shot to shit no more or you get an R rating and end up like Dredd – great movie, but no one saw it because of the R rating. It wasn’t great, but it was good. If you want to watch a neat robo-CGI action movie go grab this instead of Transformers.


3. Hercules 
– This is the perfect The Rock movie. If you want to watch like 90 minutes of The Rock being jacked and fighting with a club(!) against other dudes, you can’t go wrong. Interesting twist on Greek mythology too. Great bro movie. Great popcorn movie. Kinda forgettable but thats just what it is.


2. Live.Die.Repeat (Edge of Tomorrow) 
– It’s actually really good and Emily Blunt does well. Its a good movie. Strong action. Strong story. Interesting. I’m serious. But… Tom Cruise. I have issues with Tom Cruise, same I have with DiCaprio and Depp, that I don’t see the character, I just see the actor playing dress up or doing an accent.


1. The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies 
– This is the single most “meh” movie I’ve ever seen. I only went because I saw the last two. The Hobbit movies are to the Lord of the Rings movies as kissing a blow-up doll is to kissing the love of your life. Martin Freeman is good and the book elements are good. The fan fiction of the series drives me nuts. I’m excited for the fan edit of all 3 movies thats like 3.5 hours and really good.

Summer Movie Reviews: Now with 400% More Turtles

– Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2/5

Well, it wasn’t bad. Not like bad “I hate my life. Why did I see this?” bad. It wasn’t great, not really good either. It was acceptable, but cheesier than a 99 cheese pizza.

I got sweet 3D glasses that look like Raph’s mask. I groaned less than I did during Transformers.

By the numbers story. Its the whole villain has the McGuffin gas and is going to infect the city plot. Its not exactly ambitious.

The turtles themselves were handled/designed relatively well. Instead of just 4 clones with different colours they were actually pretty distinct. Didn’t mind the noses. I liked the focus on Raphael because he’s totally the coolest and the best. Continue reading

Summer Movie Review: Now with 100% more Godzooki!

– Godzilla 5/5

Extremely well put together. One of the reasons I liked Pacific Rim so much compared to Transformers is that you knew what was going on. There wasn’t just a bunch of visual and audible noise going nuts all the time. Legendary kept that up in this film.

The sense of scale was very well done to show just how helpless we’d be. Like when a human pours ant-killer in an ant-hill. They can’t do jack because we’re just so much bigger.

Also well done was the fact that the monsters really paid no attention to the humans, let alone the main hero guy. There was only 1 scene where he made eye contact with the monster. One, and it wasn’t long and drawn out and to show how tough humans are. It just happens, and dude craps his pants like all of us would.

The movie does take a while to get going although I didn’t really mind the way I do with other films. There were also tons of small imagery things that I’m not sure how many people but the biggest super-nerds would pick up on.

Note: Imagine if Godzilla/monsters reacted to humans the same way that some people do that are scared of bugs? That would be hilarious.

Note note: I would have loved to be in the pitch meeting. “Okay, Pacific Rim went over well. We did giant monsters v giant robots! Yeah woohoo! So, now, the logical next step is… MONSTERS ONLY AND NO ROBOTS!” (Yes, I know. Godzilla and all but still.)

– A Million Ways to Die in the West 0/5

Awful.

  1. Seth McFarlane isn’t a good actor.
  2. The script sucks.
  3. The jokes repeat themselves repeatedly over and over by being retold repeatedly over and over.
  4. Classic “sequel” issue. “Wow the guy who made Ted! Here’s a bunch of money and ALL THE FREEDOM!” and oh boy it does not work. Ted had a lot of charm to it, this movie is just like having Godzilla blast your ass with his atomic fire breath.

Do not watch.

Other reviews:

X-Men: Days of Future Past  4/5
The Amazing Spiderman 2 1/5
Trailer Park Boys: Don’t Legalize It 4/5
Captain America: The Winter Soldier 5/5
The Raid 3/5
Need for Speed 3/5
300: Rise of an Empire 3/5

To Come

– Son of Batman (DVD) May 6
– Transformers 4: Age of Extinction June 27
– Hercules July 25
– Guardians of the Galaxy August 1
– Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles August 8
– 
Batman: Assault on Arkham (DVD) August 12
– The Expendables 3 August 15
– Sin City: A Dame to Kill For August 22

Adam’s 2014 Summer Movie Rundown

– X-Men: Days of Future Past 4/5

Very good movie. Wipes the poo out of your mouth from X3. Maybe even a pinch of it from Origins: Wolverine too if you think about it a bit. I love timeline stories and I loved seeing the whole cast of pretty well everyone again. Makes me excited for the franchise again. Sorta wraps up the past versions of dudes though. Wonder if we’ll start alternating between solo movies (Gambit), future/present movies (X-Men: Apocalypse) and past (X-Men: Get Funky in the 70s). Enjoyed how it made Wolverine less of a super hero and more of a dude and put a lot of focus on the past guys. Would’ve loved to have seen more of the future X-Men but thats why there are more movies. Curious how expanded Quicksilver’s role gets to introduce Scarlet Witch.

Complaint: WHERE IN THE WORLD WAS STAN LEE’S SCENE? YOU EFFED UP!

– The Amazing Spiderman 2 1/5

Marginally better than Spiderman 3. Mish-mash of villains. No big plot, just like 6 subplots slapped together. The plane scene was completely pointless. The whole movie felt like it followed a checklist. Missed opportunity at the end for Miles Morales. SONY made a crappy movie to try and catch up as quickly as possible to Marvel Studios. Same dumb mistake DC is making. Total “part 1 of stuff to come: thanks for spending 15 bucks for nothing of substance but make sure to come back for Venom, Sinister 6 and Carnage!” Luckily, Stone and Garfield have excellent chemistry, but so much for that.

The more I think about this movie the bigger of a piece of shit it is in my mind.

– Trailer Park Boys: Don’t Legalize it 4/5

It didn’t ruin anything and was funny. Couple little missed things kept it from being 5/5. Felt like a 90 minute episode, which is a good thing. Ending was a little faster than I had expect as far as everything coming together. Great bathroom humour and fans of the TV series will enjoy it more than rando’s looking for a flick.

– Captain America: The Winter Soldier 5/5

In my top comic movies of all time. Everything is just so good. Character chemistry, the little things you notice when you’ve seen it twice, not AMERICA MAN: THE MOVIE. Makes me super intrigued into the world of Avengers 2. So much has changed. Widow’s off on her own, Cap’s doing his own thing, no more SHIELD, Tony Stark retired from Iron Man-ing, Odin’s dead, Hawkeye is non-existent.

– The Raid 2 3/5

Not as good as the first one. Action was still hard hitting and super nuts though. Not for the squeemish. Took everything from the first movie that worked and did more which should’ve made it better but something was a bit off. Might actually be a 4/5 but a 3/5 compared to the original.

– Need For Speed 3/5

Generic fast car redemption movie. Won’t watch it again but don’t regret seeing it. Super formulaic. Saw everything coming a mile away. Sure hope Jesse Pinkman signs up for better movies if he wants to get anywhere.

– 300: Rise of an Empire 3/5

Eva Green’s boobs keep it from a 2/5. I really like Eva Green and especially her boobs. Just felt weird being all over the place in time. “Oh, Leonidas from 300? Yeah, he just left” Later: “Yeah Leonidas is dead. Sorry you missed him!” :/ But it was still a decent action flick.

Would have been nice if there was an actual ending.

 

To Come

– Godzilla May 16
– A Million Ways to Die in the West May 30
– Transformers 4: Age of Extinction June 27
– Hercules July 25
– Guardians of the Galaxy August 1
– Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles August 8
– The Expendables 3 August 15
– Sin City: A Dame to Kill For August 22

Adam’s 2014 Summer Movie Takedown

– 300: Rise of an Empire 3/5

Eva Green’s boobs keep it from a 2/5. I really like Eva Green and especially her boobs. Just felt weird being all over the place in time. “Oh, Leonidas from 300? Yeah, he just left” Later: “Yeah Leonidas is dead. Sorry you missed him!” :/ But it was still a decent action flick.

Would have been nice if there was an actual ending.

– Need For Speed 3/5

Generic fast car redemption movie. Won’t watch it again but don’t regret seeing it. Super formulaic. Saw everything coming a mile away. Sure hope Jesse Pinkman signs up for better movies if he wants to get anywhere.

– The Raid 2 3/5

Not as good as the first one. Action was still hard hitting and super nuts though. Not for the squeemish. Took everything from the first movie that worked and did more which should’ve made it better but something was a bit off. Might actually be a 4/5 but a 3/5 compared to the original.

– Captain America: The Winter Soldier 5/5

In my top comic movies of all time. Everything is just so good. Character chemistry, the little things you notice when you’ve seen it twice, not AMERICA MAN: THE MOVIE. Makes me super intrigued into the world of Avengers 2. So much has changed. Widow’s off on her own, Cap’s doing his own thing, no more SHIELD, Tony Stark retired from Iron Man-ing, Odin’s dead, Hawkeye is non-existent.

– Trailer Park Boys: Don’t Legalize it 4/5

It didn’t ruin anything and was funny. Couple little missed things kept it from being 5/5. Felt like a 90 minute episode, which is a good thing. Ending was a little faster than I had expect as far as everything coming together. Great bathroom humour and fans of the TV series will enjoy it more than rando’s looking for a flick.

– The Amazing Spiderman 2 1/5

Marginally better than Spiderman 3. Mish-mash of villains. No big plot, just like 6 subplots slapped together. The plane scene was completely pointless. The whole movie felt like it followed a checklist. Missed opportunity at the end for Miles Morales. SONY made a crappy movie to try and catch up as quickly as possible to Marvel Studios. Same dumb mistake DC is making. Total “part 1 of stuff to come: thanks for spending 15 bucks for nothing of substance but make sure to come back for Venom, Sinister 6 and Carnage!” I get angrier with this movie the more I think about it.

What a piece of shit.

 

To Come

– Godzilla May 16
– X-Men: Days of Future Past May 23
– A Million Ways to Die in the West May 30
– Transformers 4: Age of Extinction June 27
– Hercules July 25
– Guardians of the Galaxy August 1
– Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles August 8
– Batman: Assault on Arkham August 12
– The ExpendablesAugust 15
– Sin City: A Dame to Kill For August 22