2016 Summer-ish of Movies: Hey Look How Cool Batman Is Right?

Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice 3/5

So… your mileage may vary. There is a lot to digest here and its probably a 5,000 word essay or two hour discussion. It basically boils down to this: Like in comic books where writers take their own spins on characters, Zack Snyder has done that here.

This isn’t your childhood Superman. This isn’t the Batman you’ve come to know. There is merit to the characters and there decision making, but how its done is… inconsistent. The pacing is off, but when stuff happens it is cool. Its kinda dumb when you think about it too much, but whatever I guess.

Honestly, there is three movies here. Man of Steel 2, an Iron Man 2-ish Batman and Superman movie, then the getting the gang together for the Justice League.

I’m mostly disappointed because there is a great Superman movie in here that mainly revolves around a question that is asked. “Should there be a Superman?” That is a great concept and should be its own movie, unfortunately it gets back burnered because Batman and Justice League needs to release soon.

There is just so much Zack Snyder all over the film. There is probably a real good two hour movie in here, but at two-and-a-half hours it really drags at points. The saturation, the laughable musical cues, the “edginess”, the editing. I’m not trying to be a hater. I can live with that stuff, but he really needs a good producer or editor or extra screenwriter to help reel him in.

To some, it is a 4/5. To others a 1/5. I look at this like a better version of the Fantastic Four from last summer. You can see the moments where the movie is/could be great, but it just misses the mark a few too many times.

What did you think?

To Come:
– Keanu (April 29)
– Captain America: Civil War (May 6)
– Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out Of The Shadows (June 3)
– Popstar: Never Stop Singing (June 3)
– Warcraft (June 10)
– Independence Day: Resurgence (June 24)
– The Secret Life of Pets (July 8)
– Star Trek Beyond (July 15)
– Jason Bourne (July 29)
– Suicide Squad (August 5)
– Sausage Party (August 12)

Maybe’s of the Summer
– Money Master (May 13)
– Neighbours 2 (May 20)
– The Nice Guys (May 20)
– Now You See Me 2 (June 10)
– The Legend of Tarzan (July 1)
– Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates (July 8)
– Ghostbusters (July 15)

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2016 Movie Catch Up: Lazer Team, Thadland, Deadpool, Egypt, and Henry

Lazer Team 3/5

It is what it is so your mileage may vary. It’s campy and the acting isn’t terrific, it isn’t bad mind you, but its nothing special. The jokes hit and miss but its a streaming movie worth 90 minutes for some silly sci-fi, by the numbers stuff. Alexandra DeBerry is gorgeous.

Blue Mountain State: Rise of Thadland 3.5/5

It is everything you would expect if you were a fan of the show. If you haven’t seen the show, then think American Pie with some football sprinkled in there. It’s ridiculous, excessive, dumb, hilarious, fun and plain easy to watch. Netflix it right away if you’re into that kind of thing. Its like one of the party episodes of the show cranked up to 10. It’s nice to see all the characters you enjoyed come back together. Similar to the Entourage movie in that sense but way better. Lindsey Sporrer is gorgeous.

Deadpool 4.5/5

It is absurd at points and that is why it works. I was so worried for this movie because I find Deadpool so hit and miss in the comics. I’m glad that the fourth wall breaking was merely himself and other characters weren’t like “Derp, who you talking to?” Everything is taken serious enough that it isn’t a farce, but it swerves against what you have come to expect in¬†superhero movies and then plays it straight other times. I think I’m most please that they made a bunch of “dumb” jokes without it devolving into some fart poop humour style movie. It’s just so different.¬†Morena Baccarin is gorgeous.

Gods of Egypt 1.5/5

Is it stupid? Yes. Does it suck? Yes. Does it suck in a good way? Yes. Why? Because its a dumb PS2 game from like 2004. The CG quality comes and goes, but whatever. If you want a dumb movie to enjoy because its dumb then watch it. Only issue is 3D giving you a headache if you don’t have prime seats. But its long gone from theaters so Netflix it. Courtney Eaton is gorgeous.

Hardcore Henry 3/5

Another film where your mileage may vary. I’m into the goofy dumb action style, if you haven’t noticed, and this does it in a new way. There is a twist at the end. The story is there to get you from action scene to action scene. Seeing action scenes and sequences from first person is new and exciting. Wasn’t a huge fan of CG blood squibs as they are a bit jarring in a movie with so many practical effects, but oh well. Haley Bennett is gorgeous.

To Come:
– Keanu (April 29)
– Captain America: Civil War (May 6)
– Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out Of The Shadows (June 3)
– Popstar: Never Stop Singing (June 3)
– Warcraft (June 10)
– Independence Day: Resurgence (June 24)
– The Secret Life of Pets (July 8)
– Star Trek Beyond (July 15)
– Jason Bourne (July 29)
– Suicide Squad (August 5)
– Sausage Party (August 12)

Maybe’s of the Summer
– Money Master (May 13)
– Neighbours 2 (May 20)
– The Nice Guys (May 20)
– Now You See Me 2 (June 10)
– The Legend of Tarzan (July 1)
– Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates (July 8)
– Ghostbusters (July 15)

Rant on DC Comics and Their Movies

DC Comics, while you stumble around as misguided as you possible can be, I want you to listen to me. I want you to digest this, because before I go see your films over the next little while, with free movie passes so you don’t steal anymore of my money, I have a lot of things I want to get off my chest.

What are you doing? Do you know? Honestly. I’m not being facetious. What is your plan? Zack Snyder isn’t Joss Whedon with Kevin Feige holding his hand.

I’m going to tell you what to do. This will be the way to least piss me off with your plans. I love your animated movies. I love your TV shows.

jl3

For Supes 2 V Batsy: Meet the JL, make this movie primarily Supes v Lex Luthor. That is one of the most interesting power struggles in comics – Lex’s ability to have total control over everything but Superman. Lex can start as the face here. Everyone is mad pissed at Supes destroying like the entire State. Lex, the ultimate control freak, comes in and rallies the world against Supes. Batsy even is on Lex’s side before figuring the ish out. Great double turn and Supes doesn’t have to be a crybaby jerk.

Wonder Woman. You have the perfect WW in your 2009 animated film. Unlike Superman, she doesn’t have to come to earth. She can come to earth because she sees a world that needs help. Thats her motivation. She isn’t forced/thrust into hero-dom like Superman or Batman or the others. Make it her choice. Original idea. Boom. You owe me.

Aquaman is a total badass. He has a bad publicist. Guess who his publicist is? You, DC! YOU! Make him a dude who just loves fighting and stuff, Brave and the Bold style. Don’t treat one of your characters like a joke and the fans won’t either.

jl1

Your unnanounced Batman movie. I don’t know what to do here. I was unhappy with The Dark Knight Rises because that wasn’t Bane. That was some fan-fiction. You have the greatest pool of villains in comics. You don’t need to bastardize them to fit a story that is crap. I’d love to see Riddler. Focus on the brains side of Batman. The psychology. Not just punch-kick.

Don’t write off the Green Lantern movie with Ryan Reynolds. Just Incredible Hulk it. Sick of origin stories.

The Flash. My favourite DC hero. He can be a little hard for a movie. His flagship villain is his mirror-villain, to me, and your mileage may vary there in film one. The CW TV show is doing such a great job as well, you’re digging yourself a hole. Cold is probably you’re best bet as cold is the anti-energy and one of the few things that can stop the Flash. If you make him a pouty-puss, I quit.

jl2

Shazam is another great character being sewered by bad decision making. You screwed him up when you decided that his villain, Black Adam, is more interesting than he is. A kid that becomes Lightning-Superman should be interesting. There is a lot to work with. Focus on the character and not the character crying.

Cyborg isn’t a pouty puss. He’s a boy scout, but he’s not another brooder. He’s a human robot with basically unlimited tech abilities. He puts Iron Man to shame.

As for characters I want to see that are unannounced, Green Arrow. He’s a great foil for Bats. A lot of people argue that Bats is the “normal guy” of the JL. Nah, he’s like 99% flawless. He doesn’t screw up a lot. Green Arrow screws up his relationships and actions all the time. Way more like a normal person.

And please get into Captain Atom and Martian Manhunter. Those guys are super cool. So is Dr Fate.

jl4

I just don’t know how they’re going to do so many “origins” in Dawn of Justice. I hope they’re just quick cuts like “hey this universe is way bigger than we thought” or something.

Worry about keeping your own world in check before you worry about catching up with Marvel Studios. That sunk Spiderman. I can’t handle more of my heros being ruined.

Please.

Don’t even get me started on the choice not to link TV and Film universes. Writing in simple stuff like “Oh, its terrible what happened to the Queens” at one of Batman’s rich guy galas or “Did you hear about S.T.A.R. Labs in Central City?” is easy peasy lemon squeezy! Thats all I want. Also, your small screen is better than big screen so like… leverage your strengths.