Rant on DC Comics and Their Movies

DC Comics, while you stumble around as misguided as you possible can be, I want you to listen to me. I want you to digest this, because before I go see your films over the next little while, with free movie passes so you don’t steal anymore of my money, I have a lot of things I want to get off my chest.

What are you doing? Do you know? Honestly. I’m not being facetious. What is your plan? Zack Snyder isn’t Joss Whedon with Kevin Feige holding his hand.

I’m going to tell you what to do. This will be the way to least piss me off with your plans. I love your animated movies. I love your TV shows.


For Supes 2 V Batsy: Meet the JL, make this movie primarily Supes v Lex Luthor. That is one of the most interesting power struggles in comics – Lex’s ability to have total control over everything but Superman. Lex can start as the face here. Everyone is mad pissed at Supes destroying like the entire State. Lex, the ultimate control freak, comes in and rallies the world against Supes. Batsy even is on Lex’s side before figuring the ish out. Great double turn and Supes doesn’t have to be a crybaby jerk.

Wonder Woman. You have the perfect WW in your 2009 animated film. Unlike Superman, she doesn’t have to come to earth. She can come to earth because she sees a world that needs help. Thats her motivation. She isn’t forced/thrust into hero-dom like Superman or Batman or the others. Make it her choice. Original idea. Boom. You owe me.

Aquaman is a total badass. He has a bad publicist. Guess who his publicist is? You, DC! YOU! Make him a dude who just loves fighting and stuff, Brave and the Bold style. Don’t treat one of your characters like a joke and the fans won’t either.


Your unnanounced Batman movie. I don’t know what to do here. I was unhappy with The Dark Knight Rises because that wasn’t Bane. That was some fan-fiction. You have the greatest pool of villains in comics. You don’t need to bastardize them to fit a story that is crap. I’d love to see Riddler. Focus on the brains side of Batman. The psychology. Not just punch-kick.

Don’t write off the Green Lantern movie with Ryan Reynolds. Just Incredible Hulk it. Sick of origin stories.

The Flash. My favourite DC hero. He can be a little hard for a movie. His flagship villain is his mirror-villain, to me, and your mileage may vary there in film one. The CW TV show is doing such a great job as well, you’re digging yourself a hole. Cold is probably you’re best bet as cold is the anti-energy and one of the few things that can stop the Flash. If you make him a pouty-puss, I quit.


Shazam is another great character being sewered by bad decision making. You screwed him up when you decided that his villain, Black Adam, is more interesting than he is. A kid that becomes Lightning-Superman should be interesting. There is a lot to work with. Focus on the character and not the character crying.

Cyborg isn’t a pouty puss. He’s a boy scout, but he’s not another brooder. He’s a human robot with basically unlimited tech abilities. He puts Iron Man to shame.

As for characters I want to see that are unannounced, Green Arrow. He’s a great foil for Bats. A lot of people argue that Bats is the “normal guy” of the JL. Nah, he’s like 99% flawless. He doesn’t screw up a lot. Green Arrow screws up his relationships and actions all the time. Way more like a normal person.

And please get into Captain Atom and Martian Manhunter. Those guys are super cool. So is Dr Fate.


I just don’t know how they’re going to do so many “origins” in Dawn of Justice. I hope they’re just quick cuts like “hey this universe is way bigger than we thought” or something.

Worry about keeping your own world in check before you worry about catching up with Marvel Studios. That sunk Spiderman. I can’t handle more of my heros being ruined.


Don’t even get me started on the choice not to link TV and Film universes. Writing in simple stuff like “Oh, its terrible what happened to the Queens” at one of Batman’s rich guy galas or “Did you hear about S.T.A.R. Labs in Central City?” is easy peasy lemon squeezy! Thats all I want. Also, your small screen is better than big screen so like… leverage your strengths.


Ranking the Modern Marvel Movies, 17-7

Continuing to rank these films. Got through pretty well all of the poop last time. This was hard to rank as most of these movies in here are relatively interchangeable a few spots give or take.

17. Incredible Hulk

This isn’t bad, but its not good. Its much less ambitious than Ang Lee’s “Hulk” and it suffers/improves accordingly. They got closer to getting Bruce Banner and The Hulk right this time around, but still whiffed a bit. I like Ed Norton, but I don’t think he really fit as Bruce Banner. Liv Tyler sucks. Otherwise, the casting for the most part is well done. Blonsky is a sensible “villain” and the camera work and story isn’t really that bad either. It just misses “clicking” and the Hulk design not resembling in any sense Ed Norton. That part really bugged me.

16. Thor

This movie had the potential to be so much worse but, like with most good comic book movies, good actors can sell you on the silliness. The casting was another home run. Sif, Odin, Thor and Loki are all casted perfectly and all bring the right amount of maturity and immaturity to the movie. The characters, even the grating ones, have great chemistry with each other. Sending Thor to earth works to balance the giant golden city of gold everything that Asgard is. Few too many Dutch camera angles though.

15. X-Men

This entire list owes it to this movie for being the first. Its low budget and thats obvious, especially as it has aged. But at the same time it was certifiably nuts and did everything it needed to do. It also laid down the template for pretty well every comic book movie to execute and improve upon which is why this ranks where it does. Huge impact, but over time its been outdone. The casting in this movie is perfect except for Rogue. Anna Paquin…

14. The Amazing Spider-Man

This is a perfectly fine and unoffensive remake of Spider Man. I enjoyed the character chemistry, which is a strength of the reboots. Andrew Garfield fits Spider Man as a hero better than Toby McGuire. Emma Stone is flawless. The biggest gripe I have is that he learned his powers too easily in the movie. He swung around a dumb empty warehouse on a skateboard and POW! he was Spider Man. Also, how crazy Curt Connors got was strange. Went from “OMG I can haz arm!” to “EVERYONE SHOULD BE LIZARDS!” I sort of get it and know and saw what they tried to do to show the descent, but they just whiffed on it. Went for a home run and got a bloop single into right field.

13. Iron Man 2

I’m so wishy washy on this movie. I had it at 16 and I’ve had it higher so I settled on here. When you watch it with your turbonerd vision on, which is how I watch all comic book movies, then you see a lot more to it. Its perfectly fine and fun. The character chemistry is still there and there is lots of Iron Man-ing. A lot of the things that others see as plotholes, I have totally reasonable non-fanboy explanations that are actually in the movie. Synthesizing the vibranium was a little outlandish though.

12. Spider-Man

This is a good movie. While Andrew Garfield is a better Spider Man, Toby McGuire is a better Peter Parker to me. He’s better at the nerdy, down on his luck character with all sorts of conflicts. James Franco does Harry Osborne well too and the casting is pretty strong. I don’t know if Kirsten Dunst is a bad MJ, or if its the lack of chemistry between her and McGuire that brings her character down. The plot is good and comic booky while believable and the CGI holds up really well over time. Its complete and very satisfying.

11. X-Men: First Class

Another ace in character casting. Beast, Professor X, Magneto and Mystique are all excellent and many of the side characters are very well done too. I’d give the show stealing performance to Michael Fassbender. He’s an excellent Magneto and his scenes accordingly excellent. If it wasn’t for the bomb that was Origins: Wolverine, we were supposed to get a Magneto movie but they folded a lot of those scenes (Magneto the Nazi hunter) into this one. I really enjoyed how the super hero conflict was blended into actual history. Its a very strong origin for the franchise and really established the strong relationship between Professor X and Magneto.

10. Thor: The Dark World

Much like the first film, this one is goofy and dumb but it pulls it off. They fully embraced more of the weird spacey realm mytholgy things. Hemsworth has improved every time he’s held the hammer. Hiddleston is Loki. Loki is Hiddleston. Jaime Alexander is excellent as Sif, while criminally underused. And even Natalie Portman and her team of misfit scientists make this work. There is case to be made that of the post-Iron Man Marvel movies that this hast the weakest villain, and well yeah. No charisma or pull, which is unfortunate with an actor like Ecclestone under all that makeup. He’s just an evil bad dude. But a combination of Loki, improved action, scope of the plot and with more time spent on not-Midgard really makes it enjoyable.

9. Iron Man 3

I get wishy-washy on this Iron Man movie too. I had it at 15, then 7 and everywhere in between. Its really good. The tone is great. Its fun. It has all the great character chemistry you’d expect. It also does a good job at emphasizing Tony Stark as the hero versus the Iron Man suit as the hero. But I have my issues with it. First and foremost, The Mandarin as an actor and bathroom humour vehicle. But then again, I love the Extremis storyline and liked Guy Pierce’s character. The twist was interesting and cheap at the same time. And that is what tears me on it. From a movie standpoint, its great. But from a comic book standpoint, it takes a few too many liberties in a way I wasn’t totally okay with. Its everything you’ve come to expect from Iron Man in the previous movies, but at the same time unique and different which was refreshing. And it wasn’t just another villain in a suit which I LOVE LOVE LOVED! It also really set up an interesting world for Avengers 2 and find out just what Tony’s been doing.

8. The Wolverine

This is a really interesting “comic book movie” because it really wasn’t all that comic book movie, but it was. It was character driven and the scale of the plot was stripped down from what we’re used to seeing in these movies with world domination and extinction and whatever. It was a really different take on the character and reminded me of the Terminator 2. There isn’t a lot of excess at all and it keeps things moving pretty straight forward. It was very enjoyable in how lean and focused it was. Really a “Wolverine” movie versus a “Wolverine and Friends”. The end could be better, but thats a pretty common gripe with just about every movie.

7. Captain America: The First Avenger

I really have to hand it to this movie. They took a character that is as easy to screw up as Captain America and nailed it. They really embraced how old fashioned Cap is as a character instead of trying to turn him into a gritty soldier screaming “AMERICA!” That is my favourite part of this movie. He’s fighting for the USA, but not as this pro-America supremacist flag waving nut case. His values are simple like bravery and fighting for what is right while being entirely selfless. He’s the “ideal” American, while feeling like you can easily replace “American” with whatever your nationality is and lose none of the messaging. Then making it work in this day in age as a World War II movie mixed with space guns and a soldier who beats everyone by punching them super hard. The supporting cast is perfect as well. Arnim Zola to Peggy Carter to Bucky Barnes to Red Skull to everyone else.

Marvel movies 28-18

Marvel movies 6-1