Ranking The Modern DC Movies, The Bad 12-7

This list is going to be sorta incomplete, because I haven’t seen all the movies and I don’t really have any desire to go and see the missing ones like Constantine, Jonah Hex and Steel . My time is worth more than that. I also don’t feel I’m really qualified to rank the old Superman movies; even though Superman 1978 rules, the others seem… okay?

So we’re starting in 1989 with Batman and going to Man of Steel.

12. Catwoman

I feel I do not really need to explain this. It is an official DC Catwoman movie, but there is no Selina Kyle, Gotham, no Bruce Wayne, no Batman, no anything that is really Catwoman. It’s like… gosh I don’t even have an analogy. Do I have to keep going? It is not even redeemable over time trying to look at it from a new perspective. Just… zip.

11. Green Lantern

A guy like Channing Tatum or Chris Pine could have made this better. Or if they went with John Stewart Green Lantern. Hal Jordan is moderately interesting, to me, and I do not find Ryan Reynolds to be a good actor. He’s basically just Van Wilder. The CGI suit and the plot both sucked. Blake Lively… :/ There are moments, but they are few.

10. Man of Steel

Honestly, I think this movie sucks as bad as Green Lantern, but in totally different ways. The suit is fine, the actors are good, but I made this series of tweets a little while ago.

Now, a good movie director would be able to turn this into a really interesting second movie (Supes trying to correct his wrongs and save people) but we kinda know already that they aren’t going this way in the second film because they are having him fight Batman.

9. Superman Returns

I’m totally indifferent to this film. It isn’t bad bad. It isn’t good. It’s just totally meh. That may be the worst thing you can say about a film. It was so meh I almost forgot to include it on this list despite owning the DVD. I like Brandon Routh. I thought he did a fine job, but basically everything else was… meh.

8. Batman and Robin

Having this so high on the list is probably shocking to people considering a lot of people have this film barely being beaten out on the bad scale by Catwoman, but I kinda… like it? In a so bad it is good way.

It just ruins characters (Bane, Freeze, Ivy, the Bat family). The director apologized. Clooney just didn’t care.

I can totally see why it was panned at the time. It sucks. But if this film was on at the same time as any of the others here, I’d be watching it first. Almost solely for Arnie who, while screwing up Freeze, is having such a blast with bad one-liners.

7. Batman Forever

This movie is really fun, and it really isn’t too bad. There is something about these old movies being so campy that seems to make them better over time. It’s nice to see all the actors hamming it up and having a blast in their roles, unlike Batman and Robin where only Arnie seems happy. It is enjoyable to watch so I like it.

Stay tuned for my ranking of the top 6 films!

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Rant on DC Comics and Their Movies

DC Comics, while you stumble around as misguided as you possible can be, I want you to listen to me. I want you to digest this, because before I go see your films over the next little while, with free movie passes so you don’t steal anymore of my money, I have a lot of things I want to get off my chest.

What are you doing? Do you know? Honestly. I’m not being facetious. What is your plan? Zack Snyder isn’t Joss Whedon with Kevin Feige holding his hand.

I’m going to tell you what to do. This will be the way to least piss me off with your plans. I love your animated movies. I love your TV shows.

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For Supes 2 V Batsy: Meet the JL, make this movie primarily Supes v Lex Luthor. That is one of the most interesting power struggles in comics – Lex’s ability to have total control over everything but Superman. Lex can start as the face here. Everyone is mad pissed at Supes destroying like the entire State. Lex, the ultimate control freak, comes in and rallies the world against Supes. Batsy even is on Lex’s side before figuring the ish out. Great double turn and Supes doesn’t have to be a crybaby jerk.

Wonder Woman. You have the perfect WW in your 2009 animated film. Unlike Superman, she doesn’t have to come to earth. She can come to earth because she sees a world that needs help. Thats her motivation. She isn’t forced/thrust into hero-dom like Superman or Batman or the others. Make it her choice. Original idea. Boom. You owe me.

Aquaman is a total badass. He has a bad publicist. Guess who his publicist is? You, DC! YOU! Make him a dude who just loves fighting and stuff, Brave and the Bold style. Don’t treat one of your characters like a joke and the fans won’t either.

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Your unnanounced Batman movie. I don’t know what to do here. I was unhappy with The Dark Knight Rises because that wasn’t Bane. That was some fan-fiction. You have the greatest pool of villains in comics. You don’t need to bastardize them to fit a story that is crap. I’d love to see Riddler. Focus on the brains side of Batman. The psychology. Not just punch-kick.

Don’t write off the Green Lantern movie with Ryan Reynolds. Just Incredible Hulk it. Sick of origin stories.

The Flash. My favourite DC hero. He can be a little hard for a movie. His flagship villain is his mirror-villain, to me, and your mileage may vary there in film one. The CW TV show is doing such a great job as well, you’re digging yourself a hole. Cold is probably you’re best bet as cold is the anti-energy and one of the few things that can stop the Flash. If you make him a pouty-puss, I quit.

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Shazam is another great character being sewered by bad decision making. You screwed him up when you decided that his villain, Black Adam, is more interesting than he is. A kid that becomes Lightning-Superman should be interesting. There is a lot to work with. Focus on the character and not the character crying.

Cyborg isn’t a pouty puss. He’s a boy scout, but he’s not another brooder. He’s a human robot with basically unlimited tech abilities. He puts Iron Man to shame.

As for characters I want to see that are unannounced, Green Arrow. He’s a great foil for Bats. A lot of people argue that Bats is the “normal guy” of the JL. Nah, he’s like 99% flawless. He doesn’t screw up a lot. Green Arrow screws up his relationships and actions all the time. Way more like a normal person.

And please get into Captain Atom and Martian Manhunter. Those guys are super cool. So is Dr Fate.

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I just don’t know how they’re going to do so many “origins” in Dawn of Justice. I hope they’re just quick cuts like “hey this universe is way bigger than we thought” or something.

Worry about keeping your own world in check before you worry about catching up with Marvel Studios. That sunk Spiderman. I can’t handle more of my heros being ruined.

Please.

Don’t even get me started on the choice not to link TV and Film universes. Writing in simple stuff like “Oh, its terrible what happened to the Queens” at one of Batman’s rich guy galas or “Did you hear about S.T.A.R. Labs in Central City?” is easy peasy lemon squeezy! Thats all I want. Also, your small screen is better than big screen so like… leverage your strengths.

How losing X-Men and Spider Man was best for Marvel and comic book movies

So I was doing some brain thinking about Guardians of the Galaxy and Thanos and Avengers 3 and stuff. Then I came back to more brain thinking about “Ah man, Spiderman and Wolverine gotta be in the Avengers man! I want Marvel to get those movie rights back so bad!”

Then I went all wait a second. Would we really even have Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, a shitty TV show, upcoming Netflix series’, the Avengers and Guardians if Marvel still had the rights to Spiderman and Xmen (Their 2 biggest franchises, especially pre-2008)? Or even Fantastic Four? And I came up with, “No”.

If they had those big franchises, they could have easily ridden things out with those. Would they have gotten to the Avengers universe, more or less, as we know it regardless? Probably, but it more likely would have been on the back burner and they would have trickled out more in the way that we’re now getting into Dr Strange and Ant Man and Guardians now. Continue reading