Rant on DC Comics and Their Movies

DC Comics, while you stumble around as misguided as you possible can be, I want you to listen to me. I want you to digest this, because before I go see your films over the next little while, with free movie passes so you don’t steal anymore of my money, I have a lot of things I want to get off my chest.

What are you doing? Do you know? Honestly. I’m not being facetious. What is your plan? Zack Snyder isn’t Joss Whedon with Kevin Feige holding his hand.

I’m going to tell you what to do. This will be the way to least piss me off with your plans. I love your animated movies. I love your TV shows.

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For Supes 2 V Batsy: Meet the JL, make this movie primarily Supes v Lex Luthor. That is one of the most interesting power struggles in comics – Lex’s ability to have total control over everything but Superman. Lex can start as the face here. Everyone is mad pissed at Supes destroying like the entire State. Lex, the ultimate control freak, comes in and rallies the world against Supes. Batsy even is on Lex’s side before figuring the ish out. Great double turn and Supes doesn’t have to be a crybaby jerk.

Wonder Woman. You have the perfect WW in your 2009 animated film. Unlike Superman, she doesn’t have to come to earth. She can come to earth because she sees a world that needs help. Thats her motivation. She isn’t forced/thrust into hero-dom like Superman or Batman or the others. Make it her choice. Original idea. Boom. You owe me.

Aquaman is a total badass. He has a bad publicist. Guess who his publicist is? You, DC! YOU! Make him a dude who just loves fighting and stuff, Brave and the Bold style. Don’t treat one of your characters like a joke and the fans won’t either.

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Your unnanounced Batman movie. I don’t know what to do here. I was unhappy with The Dark Knight Rises because that wasn’t Bane. That was some fan-fiction. You have the greatest pool of villains in comics. You don’t need to bastardize them to fit a story that is crap. I’d love to see Riddler. Focus on the brains side of Batman. The psychology. Not just punch-kick.

Don’t write off the Green Lantern movie with Ryan Reynolds. Just Incredible Hulk it. Sick of origin stories.

The Flash. My favourite DC hero. He can be a little hard for a movie. His flagship villain is his mirror-villain, to me, and your mileage may vary there in film one. The CW TV show is doing such a great job as well, you’re digging yourself a hole. Cold is probably you’re best bet as cold is the anti-energy and one of the few things that can stop the Flash. If you make him a pouty-puss, I quit.

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Shazam is another great character being sewered by bad decision making. You screwed him up when you decided that his villain, Black Adam, is more interesting than he is. A kid that becomes Lightning-Superman should be interesting. There is a lot to work with. Focus on the character and not the character crying.

Cyborg isn’t a pouty puss. He’s a boy scout, but he’s not another brooder. He’s a human robot with basically unlimited tech abilities. He puts Iron Man to shame.

As for characters I want to see that are unannounced, Green Arrow. He’s a great foil for Bats. A lot of people argue that Bats is the “normal guy” of the JL. Nah, he’s like 99% flawless. He doesn’t screw up a lot. Green Arrow screws up his relationships and actions all the time. Way more like a normal person.

And please get into Captain Atom and Martian Manhunter. Those guys are super cool. So is Dr Fate.

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I just don’t know how they’re going to do so many “origins” in Dawn of Justice. I hope they’re just quick cuts like “hey this universe is way bigger than we thought” or something.

Worry about keeping your own world in check before you worry about catching up with Marvel Studios. That sunk Spiderman. I can’t handle more of my heros being ruined.

Please.

Don’t even get me started on the choice not to link TV and Film universes. Writing in simple stuff like “Oh, its terrible what happened to the Queens” at one of Batman’s rich guy galas or “Did you hear about S.T.A.R. Labs in Central City?” is easy peasy lemon squeezy! Thats all I want. Also, your small screen is better than big screen so like… leverage your strengths.

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Arrow S3 E1 Review: The Calm

YAY! ITS BACK! SUPER YAY!

I love this show. Its relatively well written, predominantly well acted and interesting with lots of nerd easter eggs for you nerds. One of the reasons I like the Oliver Queen character more than Bruce Wayne is because Ollie is a screw up. Far closer to your every-man than Batman. Batman’s basically perfect.

It kicks off with a nice little flashback to the yester-season. Catching you up to date so that you’re not horribly lost if you’re using this season as a jump in point. Basically, “Deathstroke and I fought and I won after stuff happened.”

Then we get introduced to Team Arrow featuring Roy Harper! They stop some truck driver who had RPGs. My mom asked why he’d threaten blowing them up with an explodey arrow and knocking the trailer off in the middle of the highway, but military grade explosives are a lot more stable than people give them credit for.

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