Ass Ass Ins Creed: Kinda Ass, and Why Video Game Movies Are Bad


Before the review, I wanted to let my followers here in on an update. I’m probably moving my work more permanently over to

I got recruited to the site and they offered to pay me.

Nothing is really changing, I’m just moving platforms.

Secondly, thanks. Because of everyone that is here and followed me to help promote my posts so they showed up in the algorithm and I’ve gotten this chance.

I really appreciate the people that have bothered to click follow on a random guy in northern Canada’s quickly written and poorly edited movie ramblings.

I’ll post here still, but largely just an anecdote and hyper-link to the Creators platform, where I hope you come follow me.

Assassin’s Creed: I don’t know/5

I don’t even know if I liked this movie. It started off choppy, slow and kinda boring. Got quite good, especially right before the climax, but then ended anticlimactically. A real sequel fisher of an ending.

The more I think of it, the more I’m not surprised that this comes to us from Fox as I can just feel bits of X-Men: Apocalypse and Fantastic Four in the way its put together.

I haven’t paid close attention to the Assassin’s Creed games since the end of Ezio’s time. I own AC3, its in the plastic. I own AC4, its part of my un-downloaded library on Steam.

But I was still a really big fan of the games. Annual releases drained me a bit, and I’ve kinda tuned out of video games in general outside of a few titles. But something that really put me off keeping Assassin’s Creed in my circle of attention was that they stopped having focus on the present day storyline and Desmond. I liked the past, but I liked how it tied to the present just as much. I liked the end goal it presented.

If the reason they started to pare that away from the games was so that it could all go into the movie I just watched, well… maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing. It hits at parts, but it definitely misses too.

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Arrival Is Really Good. Yup.

Arrival 4.7/5

Fun fact: The Arrival is the name I gave my finishing move in wrestling – a corkscrew elbow drop from the top rope.

This movie is good.

It was properly disoreintating when it needed to be. Really great camera work and shot composition. Its very a tight story that never loses focus, mostly likely because its tight and personal. You never really leave your main characters, and its mainly told from Amy Adams direct perspective.

Denis Villeneuve strikes me as a very deliberate film maker. Every shot has a purpose. I’ve seen a few of his movies now (Sicario, Arrival, Prisoners) and you should be hopeful that the Bladerunner remake-sequel-reboot will turn out excellently. There’s no fat in his films.

The sort of undersaturated look isn’t distracting like it can be in other films. Its just enough to set the atmosphere without something in your brain saying “its grey and brown” the whole time like two films in particular from this year.

I liked how the team that was put together made sense. Amy Adam is a language expert. Jeremy Renner is a scientist physicist man! That makes sense! Not like Armageddon or other movies where they take shlubs and use them to help with aliens/space stuff.

I liked how it wasn’t like other “Aliens are here” movies where they show up over top of Washington or New York or Los Angeles or London. They’re randomly placed. The main one is just in… Montana? And they aren’t just blowing stuff up so that the protagonists can rally because “AMERICA!!!!!!!!!!!!”

The aliens are more a plot element than a character. You do meet the aliens and get to learn about them. But because the aliens are here, you get to see how persons and society and countries react. You have your “JUST BLOW THEM UP” crowd, and your militarized vs more intuitive governments. Your TV people yelling because they’re on opposite sides of the split screen.

Honestly, this is probably the most Star Trek a movie has been in ages. Slow and political and think-first. Problem solving! With words and thinking and talking!

Its probably right at the top of my movies of the year with Captain America: Civil War and Hell Or Highwater. Star Trek: Beyond was pretty good too. I still need to see Hacksaw Ridge.

Space is neat.

Star Wars: A Rogue One Story

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story 4/5

The movie started off a little choppy and rough. There isn’t an opening crawl so you get right into it and learn the exposition as you go. Not necessarily a bad thing, but Star Wars is usually pretty spoon fed. You start off this film kinda not knowing what’s up exactly and who is who and why is what.

Then as it goes you start to pick up steam and things start to fall in place better. Works through a couple lulls and I even had an eye-roll at one point.

But once it gets to the end it goes and goes and goes great. Its fabulous. Radical. LIT AF FAM!!!1!!

Its a very WW2 style story for chunks and is shot in a similar manner to classic war films. The classic WW2 style shots and battles that are less fantastical than your usual Star Wars fare. There is some excellent cinematography for scene transitions that really add to the pacing.

I was a bit of a curmudgeon sitting down in the theater before the movie. I’d been making the joke about “We know how it ends” since the couple TV spots and trailers I saw had them saying things like “We need to stop The Empire” and “We can’t let them build the Death Star!” Pretty sure Episode IV happened. But the way it got there and the way the story was told works.

In a The Hobbit-ish way, it shows you some things you’d always heard about in Lord of the Rings, but never seen. So seeing those things is great, and its even better when it handles the tone so well.

The characters aren’t terribly fleshed out, but that’s pretty well a norm for Star Wars. As much as people laud the original trilogy, I don’t think George Lucas is a skilled enough writer to really have done everything character wise that the last 30-40 years have claimed. I think a lot of fandom and nostalgia gets in the way and has added to the mythos. (Like, Darth Vader wasn’t space Satan. He was an asshole general who wore a cool suit. He was the Witch King, not Sauron. But pop culture sure treats him like he’s the greatest thing since electricity.)

Back to Rogue One… They’re archetypes of your misfit gang of heroes. They’re not your usual Star Wars characters. They’re… dirtier(?). Also, I don’t really think much of the cast is terribly charismatic or really brought anything extra to the roles, and maybe they appear shallower and less interesting for it. There is perfectly fine and good acting, but that extra layer of spice or chemistry or whatever just wasn’t quite there.

There is a bit of a test I have for movie characters which falls into a “How willing am I to buy a Funko Pop or SH Figuarts or other such figure of these characters?” and while I enjoyed the movie, no one stuck with me.

Mads Mikkelson is radical. He just has a great face. I’m so excited for Death Stranding.

There’s gonna be stuff you don’t want to think too hard about. There’s nostalgia and some fan service. The story isn’t much and its kind of a moving target as they go. I feel like Gareth Edwards, director, knew how he wanted to end the movie and kinda filled in the rest with Good Enough Stuff.

Star Wars as a property has a thing where once you get too far from Storm Troopers and TIE fighters and X-Wings and the Empire and the Rebels there hasn’t been enough to establish what else makes up Star Wars. So while this is “new” its also familiar. Mileage may vary on viewers craving new-ness.

Whether I like this more than Episode VII is yet to be determined. I want to say yes, but a lot of that is recency bias. Also, its fair to question how much of Star Wars this got right versus Star Wars fandom.

I can’t say enough good things about once you get to the end of the movie. Well executed action all through the final act whether its from the ground or the space. It has been so long since one of these big CGI, action franchise movies made the decisions this movie made.  It does things totally different than any of the other seven films in the series. I like that.

And seriously, the ending of the movie was excellent.

#ThisGuyScored: Edmonton Oilers 2017 Edition

Death, taxes and the Oilers leaving guys wide open to score. If it wasn’t for the Hall trade I might not be able to run this blog again! Content back to old Jultz levels.

October conclusion: Adam Larsson is not Marc-Eduard Vlasic despite the narrative.

November conclusion: It’s also probably best if you ignore how often McDavid or Eberle aren’t within a mile of their man who scores.


December 9 vs Wild

December 8 vs Flyers

December 6 vs Sabres

Note: While this one isn’t egregious at first glance, it made the cut essentially because Lucic (27) had good position on Gionta (12) but stopped skating for no real reason, allowing Gionta to score on an otherwise pretty well defended entry. Lucic has good position at the dot, but stops moving with Gionta and opts for a lazy stick wave over the body position he had a stride before. I notice it a lot doing these posts that they are quite harmless plays as they develop and then out of nowhere one of two things happen.

1) A forward will leave his check expecting the d-man to take over, but they don’t and you get a guy alone in tight for a redirect, tap in or one timer. Maybe the forward is thinking “There isn’t a play here. I can let the guy go, and the D & G can handle this” which is kinda how they’re taught since most teams play zone defence and not man-to-man, but the release is frequently coming too early or isn’t communicated/read at all by the defenceman/goalie.
2) The Oilers will have good coverage and inexplicably a player will leave his zone/man to give a 2on1 defensively, but its almost always the wrong guy supporting ie) the guy covering the slot or back door (primary defensive forward – F1) with no one else to take over. When the offensive player sees this and makes a good pass, the defender (F1, sometimes its D2) going to help is quite often in no-mans-land defensively during the scoring assist. This leaves a lot of guys open in dangerous areas on what were harmless, well positioned defensively plays. (Its often F1 on the play supporting extra [generally good] while F2 or F3 are in no position to cover for F1 [really bad]).

I do try to be a little fair when I do this like generally not using PP goals or goals off strange bounces/bad rebounds, but there are a good number of plays I find myself saying “Why wasn’t he covered? They had good position two seconds ago.” The team just seems to be so puck focused.

December 4 vs Wild

December 3 vs Ducks

December 1 vs Jets

November 29 vs Leafsnov29-1nov29-2nov29-3nov29-4

November 27 vs Coyotes

November 23 vs Avalanche

November 17 vs Kings

November 15 vs Ducks

November 13 vs Rangers

November 11 vs Stars

November 8 vs Penguins

November 6 vs Red Wings

November 3 vs Rangers

November 1 vs Leafs

October 30 vs Senators

October 20 vs Blues

October 18 vs Hurricanes

October 16 vs Sabres

From beyond center ice for Ryan O. (Vine by @Buccigross)

— Rickard Bergquist (@sportblogg) October 17, 2016


October 12 vs Flames