Arrow S3 E1 Review: The Calm

YAY! ITS BACK! SUPER YAY!

I love this show. Its relatively well written, predominantly well acted and interesting with lots of nerd easter eggs for you nerds. One of the reasons I like the Oliver Queen character more than Bruce Wayne is because Ollie is a screw up. Far closer to your every-man than Batman. Batman’s basically perfect.

It kicks off with a nice little flashback to the yester-season. Catching you up to date so that you’re not horribly lost if you’re using this season as a jump in point. Basically, “Deathstroke and I fought and I won after stuff happened.”

Then we get introduced to Team Arrow featuring Roy Harper! They stop some truck driver who had RPGs. My mom asked why he’d threaten blowing them up with an explodey arrow and knocking the trailer off in the middle of the highway, but military grade explosives are a lot more stable than people give them credit for.

Roy’s costume looks pretty cool.

They catch the bad guy using a neat trick arrow that blasts a spiderweb basically and Dumby bouncies off it right into a big boot from Arrow. Team Arrow celebrates winning back at the Arrow Cave and everyone pces out, but not after Oliver and Felicity basically make out without making out.

Ollie then makes up a BS excuse as to why he can’t wheel Felicity (I’d do it bro) even though he has basically wheeled every girl on the show that he wasn’t related to. He gets a text from Thea saying she’s at some vacation spot and refuses to send selfies. That’s a sign something is wrong. If a young girl won’t send selfies then she’s probably lying.

FLASHBACK: Ollie is running through Hong Kong trying to contact home and say “I’m alive come save me.” Then a badass Chinese guy kicks his ass with some sweet kicks.

Oliver goes to talk to Laurel about throwing RPG truck driver into jail. Then she takes him to a presser where a shaved head version of detective Lance is giving a “Arrow is cool!” speech and Ollie gets a self boner.

Now we get the bad guys! They’re a bunch of drug king pins it seems sitting in their drug warehouse. Peter Stormare walks in and hits the guy who opposed his takeover of all drugs with New Vertigo and its basically the Scarecrow fear toxin. Dude trips balls and seems some Silent Hill monster before being killed by Stormare (Werner Zytle).

Back to Ollie where he asks Felicity on a date, finally. I would’ve been all over her 2 seasons ago. They awkwardly agree to get their smang on.

Cut to Felicity basically working in a Radio Shack. Arrow needs computer stuff done to help catch a bad guy. While he’s chasing he asks if she like Italian. She says yes. I love spaghetti too, Felicity.

Ollie punks the bad guy they were chasing.

Back to Ollie in Hong Kong getting grilled by Amanda Waller for trying to run away. She threatens to kill him but he dares her to and she says no because she needs Ollie’s talents. He starts to get beat up by the Chinese guy.

Look its Superman! He’s buying a wifi thing from Felicity at Radio Shack. He says “Hey you’re hot and can I hire you!” and she gets creeped out and gives him hacking advice. Smart.

Oh yeah, Diggle got his ex-wife pregnant and now they’re dating again.

Date time! Ollie makes horrible conversation about being trapped in Hong Kong and even though Felicity is DTF… like come on bro. Date talk. Not torture talk in the middle of a fancy restaurant. He does turn it around and talks about how she’s special and awesome. Good job kiddo.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Turns out that thug that Ollie busted like 3 scenes ago managed to plant a tracker on Ollie so now Zytle aims an RPG at it to kill Arrow. He whistles a great tune but for the life of me I can’t remember the name of it. Ollie saves Felicity even though she gets KO’d.

Back in the Arrow Cave, Ollie gets sad that he “lost his focus” because his blood was rushing somewhere else and that caused the explosion.

Ollie manages to find the drug hideout from earlier and gets in a fist fight with Zytle and his skullet who injects him with drugs because he has super quick reflexes. They fight, then the drug which is a new version of vertigo makes Ollie trip balls and see his greatest fear. Himself! Because he’s a screw up. I like that he’s a screw up.

Back to the Arrow Cave where they discuss Arrow-ing. Felicity is in a smoking hot dress showing some cleave in a classy way.

FLASHBACK! Its the psychic girl from The Wolverine making sure Ollie’s wounds are healed from getting his ass beat. He walks into the kitchen and is offered dinner by the guy who beat his ass earlier in Hong Kong.

Hospital scene! Laurel complains about her dad getting too deep into shenanigans with Arrow. He basically says “Cop stuff is all I know!” They share a moment because she is like “you’re my dad too!”

Queen Consolidated. Ollie is about to try and present a speech to get his company back because he has some financial stuff in line. But look! It’s Superman to also come buy the company because he’s Ray Palmer and rich.

He then delivers the worst business speech I’ve heard. You’re in a board room. They want numbers, not “I know I can do this because I gotta!”

Then Brandon Routh The Atom Superman Ray Palmer gets his CEO on and basically kicks the crap out of Ollie’s speech. He uses info he hacked with Felicity’s inadvertent help (WOMEN! Right fellas?), which should have him ethically/legally eliminated from the process but if they made business too accurate these scenes would be worse than Big Show vs Mark Henry.

He talks about rebranding the city as Star City (cool!) and the board of directors applauds him. I’ve been in absurd business meetings and at no point has anyone ever clapped that wasn’t out of pity. That’s some high school/business 101 in college stuff. Give me my realistic boardrooms I just said I don’t want

Arrow Cave time. They’ve got some crime boss targets to track down and punch and shoot with a bow and Felicity still looks smoking hot. Holy moly. Turns out these targets are at the boxing match inside BC Place Starling Stadium. Ollie says its Arrow time and tells Diggle “Sorry bro. Stay behind because you got a baby on the way!” and Diggle does good acting because he’s awesome and unhappily decides to do what Ollie says.

At the boxing match, the baddies are watching the most slug happy boxing match I’ve ever seen. These guys are throwing heat like a couple of middle weights in the NHL. New Count Vertigo has set up a bomb to kill everyone in the stadium and Roy gets to defuse it.

Rooftop. Ollie fights new Count and gets hit with more drugs but basically just man-powers through it. Boss.

Oh look! Its Sarah Lance as Black Canary! She looks good too and smacks some dudes with her bow staff.

Back inside, Roy is trying to defuse the bomb. Felicity says “Cut the yellow wire” except there isn’t one. So he AssCreed style parkours himself up a pillar and grabs some cooling pipe and fireman style douses the bomb to freeze it. BUT IT ISN’T WORKING! 3… 2… 1… FROZE. Suspense yo! 😀

The crowd cheers! But its because boxing and not for Roy.

Did I mention the explosive bomb was covered in stickers that said “C4”?

Arrow does a sweet spinning back heel kick to the new Count and then arrow trap fish wire ties him to a grate. Love the use of trick arrows. Still hoping for a boxing glove arrow.

Ollie and Sarah share some “I miss you’s” and Ollie wants her to stay because she’s probably the only girl he can date that won’t always be about to die.

Superman then shows up to try and hire Felicity again. He needs a new assistant and a tech wiz who could clear all the porcupine fart viruses that Felicity planted in all his devices.

She tells him to F Off because Diggle’s ex-wfie had the baby and its a cute little lady baby. Ollie shows up and Diggle basically says “Thanks for not letting me get shot so I can enjoy being a dad.” I hope this doesn’t end with Diggle dying soon and Ollie adopting the baby. Please no CW please no.

FLASHBACK: Ollie says I’m running away again. The Chinese/Japanese guy says “Don’t or Amanda Waller says she’ll kill my son!” I’m guessing she did so in the laziest nappy delivery possible like all of Waller’s lines are delivered in this show. Also, if she didn’t kill Ollie despite saying so like 100 times, I don’t think she’s got the lady-balls to do it, bro.

Back to the hospital, Ollie and Felicity basically break up. Then they smooch and Ollie says “but I love you but I don’t want you dead.” Felicity gets mad and says “Cut the crap. Yes or no! I wanna move on!” Can’t blame her. Come here Felicity! Adam will love you 😀

Felicity gives Ollie the boot. Wamp-wamp.

PHONE CALL: Barry Allen is awake! And on the line! And says hey come talk I have some serious stuff to talk about because I’m the Flash now. Ollie goes to meet him to give him some advice.

Rooftop: Sarah and Laurel meet up and sister talk. Laurel ends up leaving to go do Laurel stuff. Sarah turns around to hear a guy with a weird accent say “Hello Sarah ” Then she takes a 3 piece meal of black arrows to the tummy and falls off the rooftop right in front of Laurel. Katie Cassidy sells it pretty well.

Sad that Sarah is dead because it means more screen time for Laurel and Laurel sucks. Recast her or something please.

END!

All together, I liked it. It was a nice way to get back into things. Pretty well everyone from last season got some screen time and enough stuff was set in motion to keep the season interesting. Ollie transitioning into poorhouse Ollie. Intro of Palmer. Sarah dead. R’as Al Ghul. Felicity and Oliver’s sexual tension boiling over like nuts. Baby Diggle. China.

I’ll try my best to do these all season.

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