Summer Movie Reviews: Now with 400% More Turtles

– Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2/5

Well, it wasn’t bad. Not like bad “I hate my life. Why did I see this?” bad. It wasn’t great, not really good either. It was acceptable, but cheesier than a 99 cheese pizza.

I got sweet 3D glasses that look like Raph’s mask. I groaned less than I did during Transformers.

By the numbers story. Its the whole villain has the McGuffin gas and is going to infect the city plot. Its not exactly ambitious.

The turtles themselves were handled/designed relatively well. Instead of just 4 clones with different colours they were actually pretty distinct. Didn’t mind the noses. I liked the focus on Raphael because he’s totally the coolest and the best.

It was also good to see Leo use his swords. He never used them in the carton. He only kicked.

Megan Fox’s acting can be summed up by “heavy breathing” and :O face. She was also like 65% of the plot, for whatever reason. She was pretty dumb, even for a Megan Fox character, and it seems unrealistically dumb/naive but then again I’ve read tons of stories about reporters looking for that career scoop and seems to fall in line with this (minus the giant turtles fighting Edward Scissor-Silver Samurai covered in Mortal Kombat spikes).

How Shredder knew about Splinter was never explained.

William Fichtner delivered the best performance and made the best of some craptacular lines.

Its definitely not the worst movie of the summer, but I just don’t really know with this one. Not a lot of substance and I get the feeling a lot was left on the cutting room floor.

Its a popcorn movie and I liked it more than Transformers and The Amazing Spider Man 2. I think you know before walking into it if you’ll like it or not.

Other reviews:

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes 5/5
Transformers 4: Age of Extinction 2/5

A Million Ways to Die in the West 0/5
Godzilla 5/5
X-Men: Days of Future Past  4/5
The Amazing Spiderman 2 1/5
Trailer Park Boys: Don’t Legalize It 4/5
Captain America: The Winter Soldier 5/5
The Raid 3/5
Need for Speed 3/5
300: Rise of an Empire 3/5

To Come

– Hercules July 25
– Guardians of the Galaxy August 1
Batman: Assault on Arkham (DVD) August 12
– The Expendables 3 August 15
– Sin City: A Dame to Kill For August 22

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